Worth the Wait

Wow...

2010-09-08T20:34:00.000-07:00

Has it really been that long? A year ago yesterday I found out I was pregnant and I can tell you the last year has been the best year of my life and also the hardest. Pregnancy was so fun, I truly loved it. Yes-I got huge and swollen and tired...but it was amazing. I still can't believe the little girl I see in all those ultraounpictures is our beautiful daughter. Being a mommy is a million times better but also the hardest thing I have ever done. I can't explain why it's hard, it just is...but also so rewarding. Gianna smiles at me a million times a day and is starting to laugh sooo hard it's amazing. God is GOOD!

For those momma's who are still TTC, please don't give up. The journey is long and hard and heartbreaking, I know...but being a mother is worth any wait that He gives you. I just can't put it into words the love I have for her...the moment she was pulled out of me and put on my chest was....incredible. I was speechless (my husband will back me up on that one! haha)

Just trust in Him. He has a plan for you and no matter how or when you become a mother, it will be worth the wait. It will be worth the heartache, the pain, the sadness, frusteration, everything.

Being a mom is incredible and amazing. It's also tiring and sometimes stressful, but it's a good tired and a good stressful. It's just perfect :-)

If you don't know we moved you can follow our journey from 13 weeks to now almost 4 months at jjplotz.blogspot.com.

And here are a few more pictures of our miracle...

13 weeks!

2009-11-11T06:19:00.000-08:00

How far along? 13 weeks!

How big is baby? the size of a peach :-)

Weight gain:Well, I gained .5lbs when I was at the my OB appointment on Monday. Dr.M said that was fine just wanted to make sure I was eating/not sick/etc. He said I'll probably see weight gain pretty soon and to plan on gaining around 28-35lbs! I must be losing it somewhere because my belly is getting incredibly big-fast. I'm a little worried I'm going to get huge but I guess that's out of my plans-I just really don't want a 9lb baby! eak!

Stretch Marks? Definatly not yet :-)

Sleep: No problems in that department! I do have the craziest dreams though! The other night I dreamnt Tony Yelk (an ex-fling from college) was going to kill me so I told him I was pregnant with his baby. Then he decided not to kill. Then he found out later it was Jeff's baby and was chasing me around trying to kill me again...and I woke up. haha....very strange dreams!!

Best moment this week: Seeing our little 'girl' kick like crazy at our ultrasound. It was absolutely amazing to see all her movement and it seemed so unreal! I can't wait to feel all those kicks :-)

Movement: None...but I do try to concentrate on my belly when I'm laying down at night. I just know alot of people tell me that they felt kicks but didn't realize they were kicks until later on. So I want to be very 'in tune' so when I feel them I realize what they are! :-)

Gender: Supposedly a girl...but Jeff won't let me call her 'gianna' yet because he still thinks it may be a boy ;-)

Labor Signs: None

Belly Button in or out? Definatly in...

Cravings: Hm...last night I craved tacos and I don't even like tacos! Everyday is different.

What I miss: Being able to take migraine medicine and drink as much caffiene as I wanted! haha

What I am looking forward to: Being able to feel movement and our next ultrasound...week of December 13th!

Weekly Wisdom: Enjoy every second!! I think time is going to fly by and I can't wait to meet our little girl, but I always remind myself to enjoy being pregnant too :-)

It's a....

2009-11-09T13:11:00.001-08:00

GIRL?!?! Today we had our nt scan. Basically just a ultrasound and bloodwork to check for abornmalities which may be a sign of down syndrome and other chromosome disorders. Our results will be back in about a week!

The ultrasound was AMAZING!! Little Baby P was moving around like crazy. She would kick the side of the uterus which would make her fly up in the 'air' and land. Her arms were kicking/playing with the umbilical cord and moving all over. She looked at us a few times and squirmed a bunch....then took a short 5 minute nap. haha. At the very end she even got the hiccups!! So cute!!

I asked the ultrasound nurse to guess the gender. She said she was always right, except for once a few months ago. It really hurt her ego so now she doesn't like to guess the gender but I promised that I wouldn't go buying anything just yet (yea, right!). She showed us a spot and said.."See this line? With a boy it's straight and a girl, it's down. Looks like a girl to me." Then she moved so we couldn't make our own conclusions! Ugh! She kept calling the baby a 'she' the rest of the time though. It was overall amazing!!

Here's a quick pic...I'll add more later (like some 3d's).

ALSO-BLOG UPDATE!! (read below!!)

It's been kind of a pain in the butt to keep two blogs and I know alot of people want to continue to follow our journey. SO to make life easier on all of us I will now only be posting on our regular blog (jjplotz.blogspot.com). This blog will stay up but I won't be updating it, unless we do IVF again in the future. My other blog isn't private so you don't need an invite. On that blog I will be posting about my crafting/remodeling adventures as well so if you don't care about that just ignore those :-) Anyway-just to make life easier on all of us!!

I got fluffy mail!!!!!!

2009-11-05T15:13:00.000-08:00

I ordered 3 BM (BumGenius 3.0 One Size) cloth diapers on Friday...they were 'repairables' and about 50% off. BM usually run about $17.50, yes for one diaper. BUT that will last us from birth to 35lbs/potty training which is a great deal. I purchased them for $8.50 because they were not good enough to sell in stores. For example, on one of mine the velcro wasn't sew on all the way so that needs fixing. For 50% off I'm more than willing to do a little work! Below is a picture of the 3 diapers I got. (I purchased boy colors because they were more gender neutral than the hot pink ones!)

The three diapers are shown in the small size, medium, and large (they have snaps/velcro which make the diaper different sizes). The BM one sizes are supposed to fit anywhere from 8lbs-35lbs (give or take). They are also pocket diapers so you stuff them with either inserts or prefolds. (We'll use prefolds because we got a bunch for a great price). You can add or subtract the
amount of inserts you want depending on your baby (overnight-stuff more!)

I also have a pic showing where the inserts go and one of my prefolds sticking out. I still need to buy a TON more but it's a good start! I also need to purchase some liners. (The liners will be placed on the inside of the diaper and catch poo-then I can just through the liner in the trash or toilet! No more washing poo diapers!! :-)

12 weeks

2009-11-03T15:12:00.000-08:00

How far along? 12 weeks!
How big is baby? the size of a plum! A little over 2 inches from head to rump
Total weight gain:Back to -2lbs...I had gained 4 but somehow lost those over the course of the week (although I've grown quite a tummy-EAK! See below)
Stretch Marks? Definatly not yet :-)
Sleep: I've been hot at night-and other than my kitties squashing me I sleep pretty good
Best moment this week: I was able to stop my shots on Sunday and stopped Metformin on Wednesday!
Movement: None yet...can't wait though
Gender: Idk...I'm hoping at our NT scan on Monday they'll guess ;-)
Labor Signs: None
Belly Button in or out? Definatly in...
Cravings: Raman Noodles...sometimes I could/would eat anything in sight and other days nothing sounds good
What I miss: Nothing :-)
What I am looking forward to: Out NT scan on the 9th!!!
Weekly Wisdom: I'm really working on not worrying. I know I hear the baby every night with our doppler but I still worry something is wrong... I guess my weekly wisdom is just to have faith in Him and all will be good
Milestones: Ugh....a huge belly? Haha...honestly I woke up a few days ago to quite the belly. It's getting hard at the bottom and I can feel my uterus now. It's so weird. I worry I'm going to get huge because this belly came so early, but I guess I can just do my best to eat healthy! Since I haven't gained any weight I figured it's not because I'm piggin out ;-)

Excuse my b*tchiness..

2009-10-28T11:45:00.000-07:00

This post is going to be down right bitchy, but live with it and listen up! (Ok...I'm trying to be a hardass and it's so impossible! haha. I'm a little crabby and this is annoying me soo...please do read this post with an open mind and remember that just because something didn't work for U doesn't mean it won't work for US or that we can't try it out).

Cloth Diapers.....

Now, I plan on staying home. I plan on us being pretty poor, I think that comes with being young, married and parents. But I would give anything to be a monmy (including a huge chunk of change-(IVF)) so I'm trying to be frugile. I want to try cloth diapers for a million reasons. I know so many friends that use cloth and love them. They are better for the environment, will save us HUNDREDS, and keep babies bum from getting diaper rash. Oh and guess what?! Cloth diaper babies are proven to potty train sooner. With that being said please realize that cloth diapers aren't what they used to be. Yes..there are still prefolds (see pic below) that our parents/grandparents used to use but cloth diapers have really grown and become amazing. There's many different kinds and I'm going to steal a post from a friend of mine..Tiff (ticebaby.blogspot.com)...to help you all understand a little more about cloth diapers.

Snappi now that is easy to use and much less dangerous! You need to put a diaper cover on over a prefold if you don't want leaks. Prefolds and covers are definitely the least expensive way to go. We initially started cloth diapering with a diaper service. The service uses only prefolds. They were easier to use than I thought they would be, although Ian never really loved them. I plan on using prefolds for our next kiddo during the newborn stage.

Fitteds: Fitted diapers are the shape of a 'sposie, and generally go on easily with velcro or snaps. You should use a cover over fitteds. (Although, Oli often goes around the house in fitteds with no cover for an hour or so, because it lets his bum breathe a bit.) The fitteds we have: Wallypop: Love, love, LOVE these! Wallypop diapers in general are great. We have several (very cute) fitteds, some with snaps and some with touchtape. I prefer the touchtape. I chose an edge-sewn soaker, so the diapers are very absorbent but still dry quickly.

Thirsties: We have a few Thirsties Fab Fitteds, and I really like them. They are not the most absorbent, but they are great for daytime, super easy to use and pretty trim. I'm not a fan of the velcro, however.

Happy Heiny's:We have one Happy Heiny's 'Happy Hempy' fitted, with a pocket. I bought it at Little Padded Seats in Valley Junction and the owner told me it's a great nighttime diaper. And wow, is it! Hemp is super absorbent. And the Happy Hempy also has a pocket, so I stuff it with extra hemp and microfiber, put a cover on, and Oli is good to go all night!

Baby Beehinds: We have one BBH bamboo fitted, and I really like it. It's not very trim, but it's absorbent. We used it overnight a couple nights ago and it worked like a charm.

Pocket diapers are what they sound like: They have a pocket that you can stuff with whatever kind of absorbent material you want. Most pockets do not need a cover.

Fuzz Bunzz: Most of our pockets are Fuzzi Bunz. I like the snaps, although sometimes it's hard to snap now that Oli is constantly trying to dive off the changing table. There are two rows of snaps, so I can get the diaper to fit perfectly, which is difficult with Oliver's thin body and chunky thighs. When bought new, they come with microfiber inserts. We have been using these every day since December and they are in perfect condition still.

Happy Heiny's: We have one Happy Heiny's pocket, and I don't even really remember where I got it. I wasn't a fan immediately for some reason, but now I really like it. The velcro is the wide kind and isn't fraying. All-In-Ones (AIO): AIOs are diapers that go on just like disposables – no stuffing, no cover. They are fool-proof and great for babysitters. They tend to take longer to dry, however.

Bumware: I hated this diaper at first. No idea why. Now it's my favorite AIO that we have. It's super trim, and great for out-and-about. Not super absorbent, but great for regular daytime use.
BumGenius Organic: If BumGenius used different velcro, I would love this diaper. The inside is made with organic cotton, and the sling-style lining makes it dry quicker. I just don't like the closures on BumGenius diapers in general.

With that said...I appreciate your opinions and concerns but if I want to try cloth diapering, damnit-shut your mouth and let me try it!! (:-) ) I wouldn't make fun of someone for homeschooling. Yes, I think it's crazy and doesn't help the child to develop socially but I would never bash someone for trying it. So, please be respectful of our decision and let us try new things. If we hate it you can all say (to yourselves) I told you so and if not...then I will be nice and not say a word :-)

11 Weeks!!!!!!

2009-10-28T06:34:00.000-07:00

How far along? 11 weeks
How big is baby? the size of a LIME!! holy cow!
Total weight gain: I finally gained a few pounds!! So now I'm -2lbs
Stretch Marks? Heck No!! Hopefully my Palmer's Body butter will keep those suckers away :-)
Sleep: I've started to wake up once a night to go to the bathroom. I usually sleep on my right side but have been trying to sleep on my back...baby is hanging out on the right side and I feel like I'm squashing him!! (although I know I'm not)
Best moment this week: Hearing the heartbeat on the doppler. Last night I found it right away...around 150-160bpm. He even did a little flip to the other side and then I found him about 2 inches over :-) It was the BEST!
Movement: None yet!
Gender: Who knows...Jeff has me thinking boy ;-)
Labor Signs: None
Belly Button in or out? Definatly in...
Cravings: Hm....I used to make fun of people when they had cravings before the second trimester but this week I've been craving lots of things. Since I've become pregnant I'm not a big junk/sweets eater. I prefer large meals instead-like every night I want to go to a "all you can eat buffet" and just eat for hours!! hehe. I'm always super hungry :-P But mostly, this week I crave spicy food!
What I miss: I've really been wanting a glass of red wine :-(
What I am looking forward to: Out NT scan on the 9th!!!
Weekly Wisdom: Enjoy every second and realize that everyone's pregnancy is different. Just because your sister/mom/friend didn't have a belly until 5 months doesn't mean your fat if you get one before than (remember-it just depends on baby and ur body type-there's nothing you can do to pretend one from forming!). If you don't have symptoms, it doesn't mean you don't have a baby growing in there. But most of all...enjoy every single second of pregnancy and don't wish it all away :-)
Milestones: Hearing the heartbeat on the doppler!

Heartbeats.

2009-10-25T16:45:00.001-07:00

So you all know how crazy I am with this pregnancy...I just love every second but so afraid something will happen. Anyway- I caledl my OB nurse to let her know I got my h1n1 shot and also mentioned that we couldn't hear the heartbeat on the doppler and if that's normal. Of course, she told me it's completely normal-especially with a tilted uterus but if I wanted to I could come in after work for a doppler check, and if they couldn't find the heartbeat we could do an ultrasound :-) They are just the BEST! So after work I headed over there and one of the nurses found lil one's heartbeat. Baby kept squirming around because s/he didn't like the pressure from the doppler probe but finally she got him to hold still and the heartbeat was in the 170's again! Yah!! It was absolutely amazing. (She also said we'll probably have a stubborn baby on our hands-of course!) The nurse had to have my lay down with pillows under my butt-it stretched out my uterus and helped to bring it up more so we could hear the heartbeat. When I got home that night we tried it with our doppler...sure enough after awhile we could hear the hearbeat! Around 150 bpm (baby was probably sleeping-mine was at 80 bpm). We've heard it since and even recorded the sound on our phones. However, we can't figure out who to get it on the computer though....that's our next task :-)

So here's my belly pic from 10w3d. I can't believe I'm now almost 11 weeks!! YAH! I'm sure time will fly now with the holidays and everything. I even started researching registry stuff and decided what we wanted...baby bargains is an awesome book for this, it's helped alot!

So here's the belly pic. I totally hate how huge I look, stupid shirt, back but Jeff refused to take a million pics. hehe. Anyway...here goes! I just have a tiny bump above my pelvic bone which is getting a little hard, nothing exciting though. Can't wait to get an actual belly!

Gross...what a bad pic of me!!

God's got his hand on you...

2009-10-23T07:12:00.000-07:00

I'm driving to work this morning and one of my favorite song's come on the radio...

"Be strong in the Lord and

Never give up hope

You’re going to do great things

I already know

God’s got His hand on you so

Don’t live life in fear

Forgive and forget

But don’t forget why you’re here

Take your time and pray

Thank God for each day

His love will find a way

These are the words I would say"

It puts faith in my heart...God got his hand on my baby, OUR baby. It's hard, after a loss and infertility, to not fear the worst. It seems too good to be true...Jeff and I, parents. I can't express the joy and excitement we feel on 'paper' but I can tell you that each day I pray our baby makes it. It just seems so surreal.

So anyway...I'm 10w2d pregnant and last night I got my H1N1 shot. I called the doctor's office I used to work at and they had me come in and get one. They also tried the doppler on me...with no luck :-( Boo! I want to hear the baby so bad, just for reassurance. My symptoms are pretty much gone-no achy boobs, no fatigue (well-kinda), I don't have to pee all the time, etc. Just migraines-and I don't know if that counts! So...we wait...until November 9th when we have our next ultrasound. However...only 12 more days of a bruised a$$!! Seriously, I have two huge, red, swollen, knots on my butt from the progesterone injections. Last night burned soo bad I about cried. Sometimes they hurt, sometimes they don't. 12 more days...yah!

Ok..back to work. Maybe I'll update with bump pictures next week. Not that there is anything to see-but still :-)

9 weeks 5 days

2009-10-19T06:50:00.000-07:00

I'm almost 10 weeks!! I can't believe it...I'm so ready for 11/9/09 to get here though so we can see our little peanut and hear the heartbeat! Still no luck with the doppler :-( Stupid tilted uterus...but that doesn't mean I won't continue to try! Nothing much has changed. I actually feel pretty good. Not too much naseous, still lots of headaches, and a really sore butt :-( The last two nights of shots haven't gone well. They don't hurt but the after effect is a really hard, painful knot and bruising. I can't wait- only 16 more days of shots!! Yah!! I've also lost another 2.5 lbs...so that totals about 4 lost so far. I heard it's normal so I guess I won't stress over it and I'm sure I'll be thankful later when I start gaining it all back! I did notice last week that I'm started to get a little 'swollen' right above my pelvic bone. Jeff noticed on Saturday too. I don't think it's baby-probably just all the organs he/she is pushing up to make room for her! haha. You can't tell in any of my belly pics (which I'll post later when there is actually change!) because the bump is sooo low but I'm sure it will start spreading upwards very soon!

Well..that's all for now. Hopefully this week I'll be able to update about us hearing the heartbeat on the doppler :-) I think that will calm me down quite a bit!

On sale this week at Target...

2009-10-16T14:13:00.000-07:00

This week Target had an espresso colored ReStyle(?) 3 shelf bookcase, for $16. The price caught my attention but I was skeptical about the quality. Especially since all the bookcases I have been seeing around $60+. But I had to stop at Target to pick up a prescription, and get my $10 gift card with a transferred prescription! I figured once I used the gift card it will only be about $6 so if it sucks, not a big loss. Anyway...I got it home today and put it together, took all of 20 minutes. And the verdict? I love it! It's actually pretty sturdy and has a bracket to attach it to the wall. I'm glad it came with that because I kept picturing our lil one pulling himself up with the bookshelf and it toppling over on him. Basically-worth every penny and I love! Here's pics of the nursery. Slowly we're working on it. Next I'd like to get a mattress and a closet organizer. I found an organizer on craiglist for $50 and supposed to go look at it later next week!

Here's the nursery pics so far...
Baby already has quite the collection of books! Most of them are hand-me-downs from my little sister :-)

Gianna's Room

2009-10-14T18:53:00.001-07:00

I'll give you a peak at my design board for Gianna's room...as long as you don't steal my ideas ;-)

I'd love to stripe the walls in a nice lavender and do light green/lavender and white bedding. We already have dark nursery furniture and a white rocker. I'm in love with the butterfly chandlier- priced at a woppin $45k but I have plans to make one for under $30 :-) After the adorable pink stroller and this cute nursery idea I think I need a little girl ;-)

Krue's room will be done in golf....but a cute golf. I'll do his 'design board' later. But here's a sneak peak! I plan on doing fabric similiar to this-golf themed. But in a super cute way.I'm also a little disappointed in the amount of people that aren't voting for the name Gianna!! Maybe I should explain the name.....my name is Jessica but my family calls me "Gia" do to my little sister making up the name when she was about 1. My middle name is Anne so put that together makes Gianna. Rose is my little sisters name.....so that's why we'll probably name our little girl Gianna Rose. Lillian Grace is still in the running...maybe we'll have to see what she looks like first ;-)

Bumbleride....

2009-10-14T07:56:00.000-07:00

So Jeff and I have been drooling over the Bumbleride strollers....we're read and heard amazing things about the strollers and they have a lifetime warranty. Even if we bought it used and something went wrong, say the wheel broke, they'd send us a new one for free. Even if they come out with a new & improved item (like in 2009 they came out with a new basket) they'll send you a new one, even if you have the 2008 model!! Well, at $360 for just the stroller, no car seat included I was thinking buying a Graco/Chicco travel system would be a better buy. The bumbleride's have so many great features, like the ability to flip the handles so baby can face you while you walk! Jeff was sold on the idea but I was still worried it was a waste of money.....until....I found one on craiglist for $230!!!! YAH!!!!!!!!! I was so incredibly excited! I called Jeff and he oked it right away and then I emailed the lady. The stroller is a 2008 and comes with two different fabric sets, a brown set and a pink set. I've been drooling over the Ruby (see below) color for awhile for alittle girl and Jeff wants the Spice (See below) for a little boy. I'm not in love with the spice colors but if daddy wants Spice for his little boy that's what he'll get! My plan is to sell the pink and brown fabric sets and buy either a Ruby or Spice depending on the sex of this baby. Both are gender neutral enough that they will work later with other babies, no matter what gender they are. Plus, the awesome thing is if they come out with even better colors later you can always buy a new fabric set for about $80 online, and used ones go on ebay for about $60! YAH!! I'm so excited. Below are the pics....be prepared to be amazed...

I'm sure you all notice there is no place to put my diet coke or iced tea..but no worries. I already have a pattern for cup holders/mini pocket to add to the stroller. You can buy a snap on cup holder but I think the one I make will be cuter :-) We're just going to get a car seat that fits with the stroller like the Graco snugride. You can buy a bumbleride car seat cover that fits & matches, but then the car seat isn't covered under safety codes because it's never been tested with that fabric on it. So I think we'll just find a car seat that is neutral colored or matches the fabric. Here's pics of me and the stroller......

Kingston is inside all bundled up for winter!! Baby can be completely covered to block out the color/windy/rainy weather. How awesome huh?

And Jeff getting ready to push around his baby girl....

Some more pics...

Ok.....done with the longest post ever!

PS-I may just keep the pink fabric for a little girl...it's really growing on me!

9 weeks...

2009-10-12T12:35:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm only 8 weeks 5 days but 9 weeks is close enough! Today we met with Dr.M, my OB and had another ultrasound. The appointment went well...just basic questions and answers and check ups. Everything looked good. We got a box of reading info and a pacifier-haha. We also got info on different classes we could sign up for and testing that they do. I think we'll start some classes after the holidays (around 25 weeks or so). I want to take a breastfeeding class and a childbirth/baby basics class also. We are going to do the First-Tri Screening for down syndrome and Trisonomy 18. It's basically just an ultrasound that measures a space in the neck to check for downs and measures all the parts of the body. Then at 16ish weeks we'll have a blood test to check for spinal bifida (sp?). Honestly, we will love our baby no matter what happens but if something is wrong I'd like to have the next 4-5 months to prepare and educate myself as much as possible.

We also had an ultrasound which went great...except the first 10 minutes the nurse spent measuring my ovaries, bloodflow, uterus, cervix, etc.... I was like...where's the baby?! Is there a heartbeat?! I mean come on! You can't make me wait through all this measuring..just let me see the heartbeat and you can come back to that :-) haha. But finally we saw our little bean pole. S/he looked so adorable. She didn't let us just stare at our baby for very long, just took some measurements and checked the heartbeat (173bpm). Everything looked great and we were done. I was hoping she would stop moving the ultrasound wand around for a minute so I could see baby p move but no luck :-( She was so much faster than Tiffany! But I can't complain..I got to see baby p who looks sooo much more like a baby! It's amazing what a few days can do!!

We won't find out baby p's sex until around Christmas time. My mom and Jeff swear it's a girl. I kinda feel like it's a boy, but I don't know really.

Here's a profile. The light line by the legs is the umbilical cord and the light circle around baby is the sac. Super cute, huh?!

Here's baby looking at us. The arms are just growing and actually starting to meet at his chest. The little legs are forming also, but harder to see in this picture. And you can see the cord between the legs again!

Alright...I'm going to try and get better about updating about my pregnancy too!

I feel pretty good. I was having lots of morning sickness last week but I really think it was because I've been taking my prenatal vitamin, dha supplement and vitamin b supplement in the morning. I didn't do that today and I'm feeling good! Now I just need to remember to take them at night! I did throw up on Sunday..but again I think that is from the extra vitamins.

I'm not showing, of course. Jeff claims I have a 'pooch' but today at the dr. I had lost a pound so I'm actualy -1lb prepregnancy weight. I actually found a chart that says how much I should gain in the first trimester...I think it was about 5 lbs? I have another appointment in a month (I know! how am I supposed to wait that long?!) so we'll see then! I'll be 13 weeks.

Right now baby is about an inch long (size of a regular strawberry) and my uterus is the size of a small cantalope! Geez...why so big?! I can still button my jeans but I do have 2 pairs of maternity pants that I prefer...just because elastic is much more comfy :-)

No big projects in the nursery yet. I do have some baby items I'm going to work on sewing though! I might do some this weekend...we'll see how much I feel like doing! haha.

I'll try harder at updating weekly!

updates....

2009-10-11T15:17:00.001-07:00

I know I've been really bad about blogging about this pregnancy. I'm good after appointments, because I want to update pics and videos but otherwise I pretty much suck. So, I'm going to babble and update about the last couple weeks.

First, I realized why I've been so terrified something is going to happen to baby P. It just feels too good to be true and I'm so scared someone will take this all away from me. I've dreamed all my life of getting married to an amazing man (check), buying a beautiful house (check) and having children. I just realized this the other day....I am just so, incredibly excited it seems too good to be true. I feel so blessed and I love every minute, but when I think to much or get to excited I worry that I shouldn't...because I can't be so lucky. I'm doing my very best to stay positive and happy though! I love this baby, this pregnancy, everything...I just love it so much I can't image having something happen to my little one.

Second...I finally got morning sickness. More like morning naseousness. It sucks. During work I just want to sit at my desk and try my hardest not to through up in my trashcan. Eating doesn't help..sometimes makes it worst. I threw up a little bit this morning....yuck. Hopefully in the next 3 weeks this goes away!

Next, Lisa and Peyton and I went shopping today! It was alot of fun. We went to the Gap since I had a gift card to spend. I got two shirts on clearance for $20. Pics below:-) Honestly, with that belly on I felt huge and wide. But I can't wait to get a belly...I hate the puggy stufff and the ackward stage. I want a big, hard, belly!! Now!! haha...yes..I know, soon enough! I also got Krue a brown sweatshirt from Children's Place for $6. It looked like a Hurley sweatshirt so I bought it...since that's all Jeff wears. Anyway....here's pics....

I'm laughing here..but I think I look huge!! Ahh!!!

Hm...I think those are all the updates for now. Oh..wait, Jeff asks me daily how big I'll be at this time. Like...how big will you be at Christmas? When will you get a belly? Haha. I think he's ready for this to feel, and look, more 'real' too!! In a month I'll be 13 weeks...by Thanksgiving I'll be 15 weeks...maybe by then I'll actually feel pregnant!

An amazing appointment

2009-10-07T11:07:00.000-07:00

We just got back from our 8 week appointment and ultrasound...it was incredible! Baby P was measuring 8 weeks 1 day and his heartbeat was at 170 bpm. His little legs were moving around (you can kinda see it in the video below...but the u/s tech and him are moving so much it's hard to see until the end). The video also shows the heartbeat and you can kind of hear it. Sadly though we graduating from Dr.C's care :-( I am really sad and asked if we could stay forever! haha. He assured me feeling super great was ok and that his wife didn't feel pregnant, at all, with their twins!! Afterward he hugged us goodbye and said to send him a pic when the baby is born! I think we'll send a card and cookies or something in the next couple weeks :-) Now next week we have our ultrasound and appointment with Dr. M!! Can't wait!!!!!

Appointment

2009-10-07T06:06:00.000-07:00

Today our appointment is at 9am...it got rescheduled (like it does many times). Please pray for healthy, wonderful, happy baby!!

Nervous...

2009-10-03T13:09:00.001-07:00

I don't know why but I'm really nervous for our next ultrasound on Thursday. I just fear that something will happen to our little one. All I can do now is pray and hope. I don't know why I do this to myself, but I overthink everything. I worry that my boobs don't hurt as bad, I don't have morning sickness, etc. Ugh... I just want it to be Thursday so I know everything is ok..

Spare prayers are always welcome....

I love my husband...

2009-10-02T09:43:00.000-07:00

My husband is amazing...always has been, always will be. Well on Tuesday night I came home from work.....just another day. Jeff had bought me pink roses and white cala-lillies! What a sweet man :-) Wednesday one of his friends' wifes went into labor and he couldn't stop talking about how excited he is for May. He can't wait for my belly to grow so he can actually rub something, other than my chubbs. We talked about being exciting for birthing class and the actual experience of seeing our daughter or son be born. I honestly can not wait. He is going to be an amazing father. Then last night I had a major migraine...like, lay in the basement, lights off, pillow of my head, wanna cry migraine. It sucked, but Jeff took care of me:-) He made chilli, did the dishes, made scotcharoo's for craft night tonight, woke me for my shot. He just great. I'm always on the bump boards and hear ladies talk about how their husband isn't understanding, or cares about the pregnancy. I couldn't be happier....Jeff has always been amazing and spoiled me rotten ;-) but it's even better to see him interact with me and talk about our child...I can't wait until May-it couldn't come soon enough!

Ok...enough bragging. Back to work and eat my chilli...and pray I don't throw it up :-(

A little girl?

2009-09-30T10:47:00.000-07:00

So the gender guesses begin... My mom guesses girl. Cindy, receptionist at work, calls the baby a 'her' all the time. A old friend from HS randomly e-mailed me to tell me she had a dream...we were pregnant with a girl! haha. She said she didn't think I was pregnant, but if I do get pregnant and it's a girl she's a phsycic! haha. Today I asked Jeff what he thought it was....I always say 'her' and he always says 'him'. Today he said, it's a girl. What?! So now he thinks it's a girl too...

I really have no idea. I always think girl, but I think that's because I dream of having a little girl to dress up. I guess we'll see around Christmas time!

6w5d

2009-09-28T12:50:00.000-07:00

Today I'm 6w5d pregnant! We had our second ultrasound with Dr. C today and it was amazing. We saw our baby...measuring 6w4d and heard her amazing heartbeat...127bpm. It was the most amazing sound ever!! We're so excited and everything seems so much more 'real'. After our ultrasound we had to wait to talk to Dr.C for a minute. It took him awhile to get to us and Jeff was soo impatient! He was like a little kid, getting into everything. Playing with the stirups, the lights, the blood pressure cups, the pens...geez kid! Just sit down already! We have another ultrasound scheduled with Dr. C on the 8th...then I get released to my OB and have my first ultrasound with him on the 12th!! How fun!!

Here's a pic...

6w1d

2009-09-24T06:33:00.001-07:00

Today I'm blogging for no reason...well, maybe because I'm bored. We went to my parents yesterday and Hannah, my 10 year old little sister decided to 'name' our baby...Rice Pumpkin. I really don't know where she came up with that name but I guess it works ;-) My mom was feeding grain to her horses and handed me alittle piece and said..."This is how big your baby is". haha...what a bunch of dorks. I'm still feeling pretty normal. I guess "rice pumpkin" doesn't like quesadilla's because we made them the other night which ended in Jeff rubbing my back while I threw up/dry heaved in the kitchen sink...yum yum! I also updated my 'profile' pic. It's not the best pic of us, especially because Jeff says he 'looks stoned' but atleast you can see my cute new haircut! I really love it and it's soo much easier to get ready in the morning!

Alright..I'm out of 'updates'. I keep forgetting to start taking my belly pics..maybe I'll get on that this weekend (not that there is anything to see anyway). We both can not wait for Monday when we get to see our baby again! I've been praying for a nice strong, readable heartbeat...like in the 140's. :-) I think it will feel a bit more real than. Then our next appointment/ultrasound will be with my OB, Dr.M on the 12th. After 3 good ultrasounds I think we'll start to calm down a bit and realize we're going to be parents! Until then we just pray the God and Ducky watch over little..."rice pumpkin". haha

We have a bun!!!!!!!!!!!! Yup, just one!!!!!!

2009-09-22T12:24:00.000-07:00

Wow...what a crazy couple of days! Sunday I was having some tight pains in my ovaries, it only lasted a few seconds but kind of worried me. I hardly have any pregnancy symptoms so that worried me also. Monday morning brought on a terrible migraine which was not fun. I finally gave in and called Dr. Mintzer's office, well there wasn't much they could do for me. Dr. M wants me to see a neurologist to pin point why I'm having the migraines and he prescribed Vicodin. Jeff went to pick it up and the pharmacist told him that I shouldn't take it that early in pregnancy. So, I suffered through the day. Today I was feeling better and Jeff had done tons of research on prengnacy, cramps, migraines, etc. all was looking good but we were still worried something was wrong. I ended up calling Dr.M's office again to see if I could get in for an early ultrasound. I won't even begin to explain the b*tchy lady, Bonnie, who attempted to help me. She was EVIL! But I finally got an appointment scheduled for 1:30 on Wednesday, but she kept telling me to call Dr. Cooper (RE). Well, after talking to Jeff I called Dr. C's office and low and behold they said I could come right in! They are the BEST people in the world. I had an ultrasound at 1:30 today and got to see my beautiful baby!! Yes, just one! That's ok though...I was kind of afraid of twins and getting huge :-) hehe. The baby measured about 6w2d, where I should be 5w6d so that's good. There was a tiny flickering heartbeat but the u/s wand was too big to pick up the exact bpm. Next Monday I have another ultrasound and we should be able to see/hear the hb and measure the bpm. It was awesome. Jeff is so relieved and Dr.C was soo super nice. He said the Vicodin was ok to take sparingly. So..all is well. I can't wait for Monday just to see him/her again and know everythings ok. THANK YOU LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh..and you guys can start guessing on a boy or girl. Mom says girl, with lots of hair, looks like me, and is a 'bigger' baby. HAHA!! Feel free to leave your guesses ;-)

YAH TO BEAUTIFUL BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's the pics..you can't see much. The bubble inside the gestational sac (large black dot) is the yolk sac, then you can see the little grain of rice beneath the yolk sac. Oh..and what's the huge black hole? Yeah..I have 2 huge cysts on my left ovary which has been causing me some pain but they shouldn't be a problem and should go away on their own :-)

Going to the neurologist

2009-09-21T16:03:00.000-07:00

I don't really know why and what they will do but Dr. M wants me to get in with a neurologist. I've had a mild headache all last week which finally developed into a terrible migraine today. He called me in vicodin with tylenol which hopefully will help. I'm a little scared and afraid for my babies. I just don't feel pregnant...so how can I be?! Ugh. I guess we'll see what tomorrow brings when I schedule my appointment.

Longest week ever...

2009-09-21T10:17:00.000-07:00

Next Monday is our first ultrasound and I literally can not wait until the 28th. I feel like this week will be the longest week of my life. I just want to know how things are going...good or bad. I don't know how I will make it all the way to May to see my precious little IVF miracle. I want to go home and sleep but hardly have any vacation left because of all my RE appointments. I need you guys to pray that this week flys by and that I stop stressing! I analyze every twinge, every non symptom, everything. I just want to feel pregnant, I want to be home because the days fly by at home. I want to be holding my healthy, strong, newborn baby. I want it to be May...or atleast November when I'm in the 'safe' zone and I don't have to stress so much.

I have a BAD case of the Mondays....

I got in!

2009-09-17T18:02:00.000-07:00

I had called to schedule an OB appointment with Dr. M. I had only met with him one time, but he was an awesome OB. Plus, my whole family goes to him. He recently moved to a new practice and they were telling me I might not be able to see him. Well, the nurse called today and I got in! October 12th at 9:30 I have my first OB appointment, at 9 weeks. I get an ultrasound and office visit. I'm so excited!

I also talked to the nurse, Cheryl, at MIF today because I've had some major headaches. Of course, I can only take Tylenol which doesn't help...at all! But she told me she thinks Monday I'll be 6 weeks instead of Wednesday, which makes my due day May 17th. Call me crazy but I've always thought I'd have a baby on May 17th. I don't know why the day has been in my mind forever, but it has. Just like 300 was what I wanted for my first beta (it was actually 301) and that I dreamt that I would have my second beta at 759 (it was at 754). Hm....maybe God is answering our prayers or I have ESP :-)

Either way I can't complain! I'm excited and so is Jeff, but we are really ready for November to be hear when we're past 12 weeks. Actually, I think once we're past Oct. 12th I'll feel alot better because that means we've seen the heartbeat twice..but November is even better.

Jeff is already rubby my belly (fat) and talking to the babies. He also told me his friend, who's wife is due any day now, is giving him some daddy books to read! How stinkin cute huh? He's such an amazing man and is so 'in' on everything to do with baby, twins, and infertility.

I still feel pretty normal. Just sore boobs and tired, oh and headaches. I try not to analyze everything-it's in God's hands right now, not ours. Plus, Jeff and I talked today that IF something did happen we'll know there is a reason. There must be a baby out there needing us and we'll adopt. But...no more negative nancy like Jeff calls me :-)

We're off to watch a movie! Hopefully this weekend I'll have time to update my blog with pics of my new hair do :-)

4 weeks 4 days

2009-09-13T09:21:00.001-07:00

I just got the call for my second beta, at 13dp4dt it's 754!! Whoohoo!! I had a dream last night that it was 759 and I've been praying for a 700+ beta :-) It only needed to increase by 60% to confirm a viable pregnancy and mine increased by 159% :-) Yah!! Tomorrow I schedule my ultrasound (it will probably be around Sept. 28th), we will be able to tell if we have a singleton or twins. We'll also, hopefully, be able to see the heartbeat(s)!! I can't wait. What an awesome day, God is Great!!!!!!!!

Today I'm 4 weeks and 3 days pregnant.

2009-09-12T07:52:00.001-07:00

So I'm going to do some updating weekly on how we're all doing. For you, and so I can look back and remember each week!

How am I feeling? Great! I get kind of worn out easily but nothing too big. My boobs are sore, but only when I push on them ;-) I still have cramping and some weird pulling. For example, last night I moved onto my side and fell like my insides were being pulled the wrong way. After I moved a little bit I was fine. I've never had that before, so it's been a little weird. It may be from my uterus still healing, I don't really know. I sorta wish I had some symptoms so that I could actually feel pregnant, but I'm sure they will come soon enough!

What meds am I taking? Oh..where do I start? I have a Vivelle patch that I change every three days, it's an estrogen supplement. I'm still doing progesterone injections in my butt-which leaves my butt black and blue. Also, I'm having an allergic reaction to the shots which means big, itchy, red, bumpy blotches on my butt. Gross! I also take Metformin for the PCOS/Insulin, Fulbee which is a high dose of vitamin B, baby aspirin which helps with blood flow to the uterus, prenatal vitamin and Expectra which is a DHA supplement. Wow! What a list!

Basically, I feel about the same. Just some cramping! I also started drinking V8 Splash to get my daily dose of fruits and veggies. It's actually pretty good :-) That's about it. I'll update after my beta on Sunday morning. Prayers for high, doubling numbers!

Beta is in...

2009-09-11T08:04:00.000-07:00

and it's 301, 11 days post trasnfer!!! Yah!!!!!! According to the betabase.info we have a good chance of having twins!! EAK! Most singletons pregnancies have a hcg, at the highest, of 194 at 11dp. So being at 301 means maybe we have two!! So happy and excited. THANK YOU LORD!!

I have another blood draw on Sunday at 9:50 to make sure that my levels are doubling nicely, than an ultrasound around the 30th of September :-) Prayers for sticky babies!!

2009-09-08T15:46:00.000-07:00

Oh..what a day. We got home from San Diego and I decided to take the last digital (First Response Gold) pregnancy test. Stupid me...took it and it said "no". As in, no your not pregnant. I bawled, of course. Jeff was super upset to and went through every possible explanation. So I took a dollar store one and got a positive. Went to the store and bought a clear blue easy digital test and got another positive. I hate this!! I think my urine wasn't concentrated enough or maybe the temp change from our flight messed it up. All we can do is pray our bab(ies) are ok.

Yes..I know I need to PUT DOWN THE TEST. But, I can't. We bought a 5 pack test which means I will use all of them this week until my blood test at MIF on Friday at 9:30am. Hopeing for a high beta!! (I want 300, but will be happy with 100...haha!)

We're.......PREGANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-09-07T16:40:00.000-07:00

AH!!! I'm still in San Diego so I'm going to update as fast as I can so I can get back to the fam...

This morning I took a $tree pregnancy test and it was negative. I watched it for about 10 minutes, then threw it in my purse and went to get ready for a day of retail therapy. About an hour later I came back and peaked at it..there were two lines! I didn't really know if that was accurate or not but I showed Jeff. We didn't think anything of it and were off to the mall. All day I couldn't buy anything..I kept thinking about how nothing I bought was going to fit me in 3 to 4 months and I felt like I was wasting money. I was exhausted, crabby and tired. Finally we just decided to go home but Jeff convinced me to stop at the grocery store and pick up a digital. $17.99 later we were off to Tyler's and I planned on testing today and tomorrow. I peed on the stick and Jeff and I sat watching it....Then, Jeff said. Well, look at that. Oh...not pregnant huh? No...it said YES!!!!!!!!!!!! We were so excited, we screamed and hugged and were all giddy. I ran to show my sister in law, Court and then called my mom and texted a few friends. I've had alot of tightness in my uterus and pains on both sides so I figured something was going on in there! I'm so excited, but also a little nervous. Nervous that it will turn out to be a chemical pregnancy or we'll miscarry, but again I need to remind myself that our life isn't in our hands..its in Gods!

Now-If you know us in real life DON'T tell anyone. We aren't going to tell others until we reach 12 weeks..just good friends and family. Last time family ended up telling others and so forth...I would run into someone at the grocery store who thought I was pregnant after I miscarried and had to explain everything. I don't want to do that again so please keep your lips sealed!

I'll update later when I know more. I have my beta (blood test) on Saturday...needs to be atleast above 100 and then double every 48 hours. We'll have an ultrasound in about 2-3 weeks.

YAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We're having a baby...or two....in May!!

Minor Freak Out...

2009-09-06T22:36:00.001-07:00

Well today has been quite the day, going to up date as fast as I can. We're OOT with family and I needa go to bed (got a big day of retail therapy tomorrow!).

Jeff woke me up at 5:30 to take a pregnancy test (yes, only 6dp5dt-but I've heard of BFP this early!). Well, of course it was negative and then I wiped...blood. Bright, red, blood. Immediatly I thought the worst and new I had started my period. I started crying, Jeff held me in the bathroom. We were both heartbroken. Oh, and of course I had no tampons or anything so we had to go get his brother to get me some...nice. He had a tee time at 6:40 so he had to leave. I laid in bed bawling, texting a few friends that I knew would be there for me. I awoke again around 8, feeling better, but still discouraged. I went to take a shower around 9 and had brown, gross spotting now so I called the on-call nurse at Dr.C's office. Jolie told me it was normal sometimes and to wear a panty liner. If I leaked through the painty liner I needed to call back. Well, image that. Haven't had one spot since. Lots of cramps and tightness in my uterus, but nothing. We're still holding out hope and praying this still works, but Jeff and also talked about if it didn't. Jeff's heart was so broken when he heard I was bleeding and he said he couldn't do this again. If IVF #1 doesn't work, we will be adopting. I leave our life and plans in His hands and we'll see where he takes us.

I'll update when we get back home...until then we pray that He will guide us and comfort us during this time. That we will trust His plan, no matter what that may be.

Embryo Transfer

2009-09-01T11:34:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't gotten around to posting about the embryo transfer yesterday! Not to say I haven't had the time, bed rest really sucks. But the nurse gave me strict orders to lay flat, with one pillow, at all times unless I need to sit up to eat or got potty. UGH....I don't like this. But it's for the babes...right?

So, right now I'm laying flat with my head propped up with two (Gasp!) pillows so I can type away. The embryo transfer went well and was pretty easy. In the morning I got up and inserted my Prometrium and took a Valium. Jeff came home to pick me up and we were off. We had to wait forever but finally got called back where we changed into our scrubs/hospital gown.

We were then lead into the transfer room where Dr. Cooper, a student doing her rounds, and Tiffany the nurse were there. Dr. Cooper said, "Are you ready for twins?" Haha-YES! My bladder was so full so I was trying very hard not to pee on Dr. C. (lol, ok not really-but I felt like I could!) Basically Dr.C just inserted a speculum (which hurt soooo bad!) and then inserted a catheter into my uterus. Holley, the egg donor nurse, gave Dr.C the little pink container holding our babies. (Oh-only 2 made it through the whole entire procedure, so we transfered those two) Then Tiffany did an ultrasound on my uterus and found the little white area where the embryos needed to be 'dropped off'. Dr.C inserted them into the uterus. I then had to lay on the bed for 30 minutes with my leg/butt tilted upwards. We got a picture of our beautiful babies. After all our research Jeff and I could tell right away they were pretty fragmented (which means they aren't a very good quality) but Dr.Cooper was optomistic and said they looked great. We are just trying to keep our heads up and know we aren't the experts so we won't look into the fragmentation too much. Just pray we are blessed with two beautiful babies.

Bed rest hasn't been fun, to say the least. I try so hard not to stress and relax, which stresses me out more. I just feel like if I move the wrong way, get up too many times to pee, cry too much, stress to much, not talk to them enough they won't implant and I'll feel terrible. I don't want to fail Jeff, he deserves to be a daddy! I'm trying to keep my hopes up though and praying alot. God can work miracles, let's pray our little test tube babies are one of those miracles.

Here's Krue Jackson and Giana Rose.

To say the least I've been a basket case, crying/bawling one minute and fine the next. It's the stupid hormones.

Alot of people ask what we'll do if this doesn't work, to be honest, I don't know. Physically I could do it again. The pain wasn't anything I couldn't handle. Emotionally, it's been so hard. I have a huge weight on my shoulders. IF we aren't pregnant this cycle we will meet with Dr.Cooper and see what he thinks. Why didn't our eggs make it, why are they all fragmented, what's the chance of next cycle getting healthier eggs? Then we'll discuss cost. Another cycle will cost us about 8k while adoption (after the tax credit) will be about the same cost and we will actually become parents from that...no wondering if the cycle will work, etc. Jeff wants to try again but we'll see. We won't make any decisions until January...until then we'll relax and recoop.

But enough negativity!! Gotta go watch some tv and keep my embies warm. Hm...I love the feeling of having two beautiful, healthy babies in me. Now, I just pray they love it so much in there they stay!

Tomorrow is the day....

2009-08-30T19:34:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow is ET day!! I'm excited, excited because tomorrow at this time I will have my two beautiful babies buried in my uterus. Hopefully, they love it so much in there they decide to stay and burrow in deep, implant and grow, grow grow!!

Today we went to church, which was amazing. We sang a song reminding me that no matter what, I need to Rejoice in Him ALWAYS! I love church, Jeff loves church, and I can't wait to go again. I decided this fall I am going to join in some of the activities, like MarriageLive, Celebrate Recovery, One2One and more. I love being there...it makes me feel welcome and loved. And it reminded me that God has my life in His hands, and that is the best place for it to be.

I'm excited for tomorrow and plan on relaxing as much as possible. Amy taught me to knit this weekend so maybe working on that, otherwise going to relax and concentrate on my embies burrowing into my uterus and staying warm and comfy. The girlies are coming over around dinner to cook for me and snuggle with me while I'm on bed rest.

My side effects are ok, I've been dizzy as hell from the Doxy (i think) and the progesterone shots aren't getting any easier. But not much to complain about, no headaches which is amazing. I have a hard time sleeping at night, but I don't know what that's from-maybe anxiety, maybe meds, who knows! Uterus is still alittle sore when I move too much. Definatly not as bad as I expected.

I also started eating pineapple a few days ago to help with implantation ;-) It's suuuper yummy!

I just got out of a bubble bath, now snuggling with my kitty and getting ready to go to bed...

Updates and hopefully pics tomorrow!!!!

No news is good news!

2009-08-29T14:22:00.000-07:00

Be prepared...this maybe a TMI post! The last couples days I've been so incredibly dizzy, it sucks. I'm guessing it's a side effect from one of the drugs but I still don't like it. The day after my ER I thought I was starting to get a yeast infection (told you it was TMI!).....another sick side effect from Doxy. Fabulous! So I consulted with Jeff (yes-we're super open and talk about everything) and decided to call Dr. Cooper this morning. He said it was super normal and just called me in a pill. He also said that today they would be looking at our little babies again and they would call if anything changes (for the worst). Well...no news!! That's good news!!

My a** cheeks hurt, bad! I've had a progesterone shot in each butt cheek now and tonight will be number three.....wahhhhh! They suck, and hurt. They actually hurt worse in the morning after the bruise has shown up and the soreness starts. I tried a warm compress and massaging the area after the injection but it didn't help. Oh well...3 more weeks of it and another 12 if I'm pregnant. A fun side effect from the progesterone is my boobs grew! Like crazy!! Ok, maybe only a half cup size but I am not complaining :-) This morning I got out of the shower and Jeff said the left one was bigger....yeah-a whole cup size bigger, seriously! (again sorry for the tmi). Anyway, things are going well. My spirits are up and Jeff and I talked today about what would happen if this didn't work. He wants to try one more time in January-I'm torn. We'll see how the next couple months go. He also started talking about what the embroyos should look like before transfer. Turns out he researched all about them last night...now he knows more than I do! That's good though-maybe he can explain things to me for once :-)

Monday morning the embryo transfer will be at 10am. Then bed rest for 2 days. I'll have a pic of our babies and will definatly post it as soon as I can. I usually scan the pics in at work and won't be back until Wednesday so you may have to hold off...I'll see what I can do though!

Well...off to be lazy. It's nice to be able to be lazy on a beautiful Saturday afternoon and not feel bad. My uterus is sore and I'm dizzy so some tv and napping sounds good to me!!

IVF Procedure

2009-08-28T21:02:00.000-07:00

I just thought this was cool and would post it!!

Wanna see something scary?

2009-08-27T15:29:00.000-07:00

This is the needle that Jeff will use to insert progesterone in my butt cheek every night for the next 3 weeks!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Second, I found this picture while upload pics tonight. Jeff claims I asked him to take a pic of me after the egg retrieval? Uh...what?!?! haha, I think it's hilarious! First, I look like I'm 300lbs, second, I think I'm pretending to sleep because I'm like smirking, third-it's just plain hilarious!

Hope you enjoyed!!!!!!!!

Mini-Melt Down

2009-08-27T12:24:00.000-07:00

So I had a mini-break down at work today. Around 11:30 (right before I leave for lunch) I noticed a VM on my cell phone. It was from our RE's nurse, Cheryl. I called right back and she said only 3 of our 7 eggs were fertilized. I asked if they looked good and she said yes, than asked her if it was bad news that only 3 fertilized and if they would make it. She said 'you've got to stay positive, because we are' and 'sometimes not all the embies make it to the transfer so we just have to wait and see'. Tears....lots of tears. Then an employee stopped down and I had to pretend I had 'bad allergies'. Oh boy, it was bad.
I ran out of work to take my lunch break and called Jeff bawling. He was staying positive and told me everything would be ok. I felt like I was failing us, again. I made him promise me he would love me even if we couldn't have bio babies and we agreed if this is a big failure, we need to start persuing adoption but also taking a break (and maybe a nice vacation to Bermuda). I always feel so strong and positve at the beginning of cycles, but slowly start to remember how hard all this is. I feel like I have so much weight on my shoulders and it doesn't help that I'm jacked up on a gazillion meds.

I got back to work and borrowed a coworker's make up and she said maybe we should name them Hewey, Dewey, and Lewey. haha. I'm ok now. I know it only takes 1 to make a healthy baby and we really need to put our trust in Him, but stupid Jeff had to remind me last week that we trusted him with Ducky, and looked what happened. I can't think of it that way. During lunch I cried to Him forever, asking Him to just lift me up. That if this doesn't work that he will show me all the things he has in store for my life. That He will comfort us and that He won't hate me when I'm mad at Him. I also wrote a prayer request for us through our prayer chain at church. I hate second-guessing God. It's not my place to do but it's so easy to wonder if He has forgotten you. If you are important enough for Him to waste His time listening too. I know that all seems immature and selfish, but sometimes I'm scared He doesn't care about us. But I have to trust in Him no matter what...no matter what happens, no matter what.

So all we can do is pray that our three babies make it to the embryo transfer on Monday morning at 10am.

On another note...I look 4 months pregnant. My stomach is so incredibly swollen from surgery yesterday. I peed 4 times last night because my swollen insides were pressing on my blatter. Oh, and I had to be carefull when I moved positions because it felt like my insides were ripping out. Today at work I waddle, I hold my stomach when no one is watching because it feels like my uterus will fall out any minute. Am I a baby with pain? Yes, but still. Guess this might be a little clue into what pregnancy might be like? Better get used to that now, huh?!

Alright...off to work, and pray, and listen to uplifting music.

Lucky #7

2009-08-26T13:20:00.000-07:00

This will probably be the longest post ever...but here goes.

Last night and this morning my ovaries have felt very 'full'. I've had some pain on both sides because they are so huge, last night mostly was on my left side. My boobs are also sore from the Ovidrel shot, normal symptoms from Ovidrel which makes you think your pregnant...when your not!

This morning we got up and got ready. I couldn't eat or drink so basically just showered, dressed and was ready to go. Jeff had to do his 'business' before we left, then off to MIF. Right when we got there we checked in and Jolie called us back. We went to a room and I sat down in a nice recliner, had a warm blanket over me, and Jeff beside me.

Jolie started my IV, which didn't go too well. My arms are really bruised from all the bloodwork but she tried a small vein instead, it was pretty painful and felt a big pop. Oops--that was my vein! So, we had to go to the hand. That sucked more and was way more painful, but I got my 'margarita mix' (as Dr.C says) soo after it wasn't too bad. Jolie felt super bad too so I can't blame her too much-I just have sucky veins!

We were given a sheet to read over with instructions that told us what meds to take and when. Tomorrow I start the 18gage needle....not cool.

Once my 'cocktail' was inserted into my IV, I don't remember much. I remember making Jeff promise that when they walk me to the procedure room that my gown is covered so no one sees my chubby butt.

It was like a dream-the whole procedure. I remember nurses/doctor mummbles stuff to me but I really remember the pain. It was like someone was pulling at my ovaries. I remember grunting and whining alot but Jolie said I was pretty quite. The next thing I know I'm siting in the recliner looking at Jeff. I asked him when I was going to the procedure and he said it was already done! Then, slowly the 'dream' came back and I started remembering parts of the procedure. My tummy hurt pretty bad, really sore. We sat there for awhile and then, it was time to leave.

It was so hard to walk, so I sat while Jeff checked us out. Then Jeff helped me outside and into the car. That was so uncomfortable, my tummy hurt and I had some sharp pains. Then I remembered they forgot to tell me how many eggs they had retrieved! Jeff ran into ask Whitney, the receptionist but she said they could call tomorrow. Ugh, no I remember they said we would find out before we left. So I left a groggy message for a nurse.

I was starving so Jeff stopped to get me Casey's donuts and then we came home. I barely remember coming inside and laying down. I ate a donut and then zonked out. I woke up when Jeff called. He said Tiffany, the nurse, called to say they retrieved 7 eggs. WHAT? Out of all those follicles I only got 7. But Jeff claims Tiffany told him that the eggs were already working on getting fertilized and they all looked awesome! Well, that's good news! I told Shawna, my good friend, who reminded me that 7 is a very lucky number :-)

Right now I'm just laying on the mattress Jeff brought downstairs. I'm feeling better, just sore. I can't walk really fast and kind of hobble around. Still having some sharp pains but as long as I don't move I'm ok. haha. Jeff should be home from work in about an hour. I hope tomorrow goes ok at work, we'll see.

Right now we are just praying that all goes well, and we are finally blessed with a healthy baby!

Can I ask you guys a favor? I appreciate all your prayers for me, but can you also pray for my friend Suzanne? She just had her 2nd ultrasound today after getting pregnant from IVF and the babies heartbeat was slower and hasn't grown. Her RE doesn't think the baby will make it, please pray for her. I know how hard it is to loose a baby and I wouldn't want that for anyone, especially not her. Thank you for all your prayers guys, your the best!

CD 13

2009-08-25T10:13:00.000-07:00

Could today go any slower? I'm ready to be done at work and go hang out with some friend's. (Erin and Lindsey!) Jeff has softball tonight so instead of hanging out at home alone I thought I'd travel to Adel and spend some time with some good friends. I'm excited and nervous for tomorrow. Jeff is hopefully going to be able to stay home for most of the day with me-he said he won't even go into work if I'm in alot of pain but I think half the day will be spent sleeping!

No shots today, just Doxy twice today day. It's a pill that is an antibiotic, I need to take it because there will be tiny holes in my ovaries from the retrieval and we don't want an infection! Oh, and baby aspirin once a day to help with implantation. I've had some cramps today and lots of pains on my left and right side, probably from those follicles getting gigantic.

Oh, and Dr.M (my OB) called in a high dose of vitamin B for me. He said it will help with implantation and staying pregnant! I also picked up some fresh pineapple, I need to eat the pineapple core tomorrow through next week to also help with implantation :-)

I'll update tomorrow night after the retrieval......Eak!!!

CD12

2009-08-25T10:10:00.000-07:00

Today is CD 12 and 2 days before our egg retrieval. We had an u/s today to determine my follicles were ready, we only had about 8-10 mature eggs but Dr.Cooper said that was fine and we're good to go! (I have to remember that quality is better than quantity.) Jeff and I did b/w to check for HIV, Aids, Hep B, etc and then we talked to Dr. Cooper and the nurse. They explained the whole procedure and gave me a list of what meds to take over the next couple days. We also had to sign a consent form as to what we'll do with the frozen eggs that we don't use (now or at a later date). We decided we would donate them to a couple that can't get pregnant with their own eggs. I couldn't image letting our 'babies' be subject to research or death, so donation was our plan. However, the eggs will be frozen until we either die or decide we are done having children, then they will be donated to a unidentified couple.

Tonight I had to do my Ovidrel injections at Shalie's house because she was highlighting me hair. The injections were so easy, I did them all by myself!! They are changing my ER time to 7:45am (intead of 5:45am) on Wednesday! My Repronex injections hurt like h-e-double hockey sticks and I'm still super sore today. :-( The nurse asked me if my ovaries felt huge, and yes-they do! I couldn't believe how big my ovaries looked on the u/s monitor...geez! Anyway-that's all for today. More updates tomorrow.... Oh-and I peaked at my progesterone injection needles, they are 18 gage, which is gigantic. I'm not looking forward to those suckers-getting stuck daily for up to 12 weeks with an 18 gage needle....fabulous.

We're converting to IVF....

2009-08-23T16:02:00.001-07:00

Holy cow, so much has changed in just one short week! Cheryl called and Dr. Copper doesn't feel comfortable going ahead with the IUI since we have so many follicles and my estrogen jumped up to 1271, over night. We had the choice to cancel the cycle and redo another one in 2 months or convert, and of course we decided to convert to IVF. There was no way I spent so much time and money to cancel a cycle! Cheryl (our nurse) called Monica, the billing lady at MIF and we discussed the cost of IVF. Of course, our savings will be drained-we'll need to work on building that up over the next 9 months, if we get pregnant, but that wasn't stopping us. Cheryl then talked to use about the procedure and told us to go pick up our drugs from the pharmacy.

We only spent about $300 in meds, which is actually really good. However, the amount of drugs we picked up from the pharmacy was crazy and overwelming. The pharmacist explained everything, but I'm still confused. I remember progesterone shots hurt, BB means black syringe in butt, pink syringe is painful....oh geez! Here's a pic of all the meds......

Tonight I do another injection of Follistim, 37.5mg. Then repronex which is like Follistim, with lots of hormones and another injection to make sure I don't ovulate before the egg retrieval.

Tomorrow we go in for another u/s to confirm the ER (egg retrieval) will be Wednesday. Jeff and I have to do b/w for weird things like Aids, HIV, Hep B, etc. Then we'll talk with the nurse and Dr. C to get all the info about our procedure, meds, etc.

Wednesday is egg retrieval, I'll be put out and basically they will insert a large needle into my cervix and suck (literally) the eggs out of my ovaries. Then between Wed and Monday they will insert Jeff's sperm into my eggs, and wait for the cells to multiple. On Monday they will insert the cells (blastocyst) into my uterus where we'll wait for it to implant and hopefully grow into a baby! If we have any exra blasts left, we'll be able to freeze them and implant them into me at a later date if this IVF doesn't work or if we want another baby.

I'll be out of work all day Wednesday and then on bedrest Monday after the trasnfer and Tuesday...then off to San Diego Friday! Crazy week, huh?! I'll update with more info when we have our next appointment. Again, prayers are the most important factor in this whole procedure so they are always welcome!

Here's a cool and very informational video Jeff and I found on youtube.com about IVF procedure.

And Another...

Waiting for the call...

2009-08-23T07:58:00.001-07:00

To see if we will be converting to IVF. Wow, what a morning!

I set my alarm for 8:15, so I could get up, throw on some clothes and brush my hair and teeth and run out the door to my appointment at 8:50. Well, at 8:30 Jeff says; Aren't we supposed to be leaving right now? Ah!! I was still in bed cuddling with my sweet little kitty. Crap! So I got up, threw on clothes, a hat and used mouth wash in the car. We made it there right on time!

Holley, the lab nurse drew my blood again. Luckily, it came easy and I didn't even bruise! Then came the ultrasound. Right away I knew that my follies had grown quite a bit; they were huge! While Cheryl was measuring she asked if this was our first round of Follistim. I knew this meant she was suprised at how much my follicles had grown. We talked about how on Femara I never had good follies, just one huge, overmature one. We also discussed how much my Follicles had grown over night, even with the decreased dose of Follistim. I had one large follicle on my right side, measuring 15mm. Then about 4-6 measuring 12-14mm. My left side had more, bigger ones. I think these are the measurements...one at 18, one at 16, 2 or 3 at 15, plus many more measuring 12-14mm. Now, to go ahead with an IUI we need 3-5 mature follicles measuring 15-20. However, usually they see one or two mature ones with a few smaller ones (12-14mm). I told Cheryl we were ok with converting to IVF, and would much rather do that than cancel the cycle and have all our time and money wasted.

Currently, we are waiting from a call from Cheryl. We are waiting to see how much my Estrogen level jumped, if it didn't increase too much than that means not all the follicles are holding eggs and we'll go ahead with an IUI and plan on multiples.

Or, we'll convert to IVF. Which means more drugs today, egg retrevial on Wednesday and transfer on Monday the 31st. Holy, freakin cow. I've gotten to the point where I don't care what I need to go through, I wanna be a mommy. I want to have my own children, to carry them, to love them, to watch them grown, to hear them call us mommy and daddy. Prayers are always welcome. We're nervous and excited. I'll update once I hear from Cheryl!!!!!!!!!

Here's a description of IUI and IVF...for chose who don't know what I'm tallking about ;-)

http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/insemination-procedures-for-infertility

http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/guide/in-vitro-fertilization

CD8

2009-08-22T14:57:00.000-07:00

Today we had another ultrasound and bloodwork. Jeff came along and then we had breakfast at I-Hop...yum!!! Anyway, the nurse had to stick me twice for the bloodwork. I have some bad bruising on my right arm so the nurse tried my left, and she couldn't even get blood out! So, we went back to the right and now I have two more bruises on my arms. The ultrasound went well...but no pics :-( I had about 4-6 follicles on my right side ranging in size from 10-14. The left side showed 6-8 follicles ranging from 10-14, then one size 15.5. They wanted me to continue with another 75mg of follistim and ultrasound Monday, then IUI on Wednesday.

Well, I had a missed call when we got home. Cheryl had talked to Dr.Cooper and he wants me to do a injection of 37.5units and come back from an ultrasound on Sunday morning. They don't want all my follicles to grow too much, just the one to grow to about 17mm. If the biggest follicle is 17mm we will do an IUI on Tuesday, if not we'll talk about what to do tomorrow. The biggest concern was that my Estrogen raised from 299 to 8?? (I think it was 897, but can't be sure). With it raising over 500 units in just 2 days, they are worried too many follicles are maturing and we'll have to convert to IVF. I'll update after the appointment tomorrow. Tonight we are watching my friends little boy, Avery, so I need to go play!

CD7

2009-08-22T14:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was cyle day 7. I've had alot of lower back pain-which could be from stress. I was in a car accident when I was younger and fractured my L2 verterbra. Now, whenever I'm stressed my back pain flares up so it could be from that...who knows.

Today I time traveled-back to the 1950's, or so it seemed. Jeff has always picked up my meds before because of convenience but today I decided to pick it up. I walked into an old fashioned ice cream parlor with a pharmacy in the back. Honestly, it was the cutest thing I've ever seen. There was a bar along one side, with old fashioned ice cream machines, a convenience store style on the other side and then the pharmacy in the back. The pharmacy was lined with old medicine bottles at the top. It was soo adorable and next time I need to pick up drugs, I'm getting ice cream!!

Anyway, the follistim injection was fine. I've had a few ovary pains-mostly from them growing. Also, the last couple days I've had headaches from my follistim. The pharmacist warned me that the progesterone will probably give me headaches for the first week or so....great! The progesterone is actual vaginal suppositories which I have to place inside my hoo-haa twice a day. Fabulous....the joys of fertility treatments.......

CD 8

2009-08-20T09:31:00.001-07:00

Oh…what a day! Things are going so well, it’s exciting! But, first let me tell you how I have the most amazing husband in the world….

Last night I had a bad migraine but with my jewelry party going on tonight I really needed to deep clean the house. Jeff helped out with laundry, vacuuming (he says it’s like mowing, so he can do that-ha), and dishes. After we were finished my head hurt so bad I felt sick. I buried my head in Jeff’s lap and watched the Octomom special. (By the way-she’s an idiot and seems very immature) Anyway…10pm rolls around when we need to do my injections and I was fast asleep with my little Kinsi. I vaguely remember Jeff telling me it was time for my meds but my head hurt so bad I couldn’t even think straight. So, Jeff rolled me over, stuck the needle in my stomach, and rolled me back so I could fall back asleep. I only sort of remember this, but we talked about it in the morning. He is the greatest; I would have totally missed my injection if it wasn’t for him. He’s the best J

Anyway, back to this morning….I picked up Jeff from work at 8:10 and we headed to MIF. My arm is pretty bruised up from all the blood work I’ve been doing so they had to use another tiny vain, which bruised instantly-hope they heal by Saturday or we’ll be in trouble ;-) We had a new nurse, who I didn’t like as well. She was nice and all, but I always felt dumb asking questions-like I should know everything already. Even when I asked for copies of the ultrasound pics, so I could show all you guys on my blog, she thought that was very weird. Oh well…got pics to show anyway! The ultrasound showed my uterine lining was nice and thick and my follicles were defiantly growing! I should have between 3-5 mature follicles (mature meaning 18-20mm) when we trigger (so they will release) and then do the IUI (where the place Jeff’s sperm in me). Right now my right side has about 5 follicles ranging from 10-14mm. My left side has about 6 ranging in size from 10-12 mm. This is all good and dandy, but if all of these continue to mature we will need to convert to IVF. Basically that means instead of me triggering, ovulating, and inseminating me with sperm, they will take my eggs out and fertilize them with his sperm. Once the egg is fertilized and they start to grow they will then be placed into my uterus. Like my mom, your probably wondering why we didn’t just go straight to IVF. For a couple reasons…a.) IUI is much cheaper than IVF b.) IUI is much less intrusive and an easier procedure b.) Usually you try IUI before IVF. Now, although IUI has a 25% chance of success and IVF has a 50% chance of success, we still decided to do an IUI. Now that we’ve gotten to this point though I’m fine with converting. We’ve gotten this far, why now pay the extra cash, do the extra steps and increase our chances of conceiving? We’ll see what the nurse says on Saturday. We have an appointment at 9:10 and we’ll be able to (hopefully) decide on when I’m triggering or if we need to convert. More updates then!

Below is a picture of my right and left ovaries, with my follicles. The big dark circles are the follicle sacs. You can see they are much bigger than my ultrasound before!
Update: Estrogen level was at 299

Cycle Day 7

2009-08-19T09:07:00.000-07:00

Nothing to report today…well atleast for IUI stuff anyway. Injections are going well, I feel fine, no more bruising!

Tonight Jeff and I are cleaning and cooking, tomorrow I’m having a jewelry party with a bunch of friends in our basement! I want the house to look awesome so that means I need to get my butt in gear and dust and vacuum!

A friend of mine, Erin, is also getting us tickets to Mercy Me on November 6th. I can’t wait!!! I haven’t been to a concert in forever and I just know this one will be amazing. To tell you the truth, I’ve fallen out of step with God. This last 6 months have been so hard on us and my relationship with Him. If you read older posts you will see that I felt betrayed by him, hurt that My God; who supposedly loves me so much; would put me through so much pain. I had a lot of anger and frustration towards him but this week I’ve made up my mind that I need to reconnect. I read a blog the other day where a girl was talking about how her sister is so close to God, it almost seems like she has his number on speed dial. I want that relationship, more than anything. I don’t know how to get there, but I prayed this morning that we could get back in step, that God would touch my heart and guide us through everything. I haven’t been to church in awhile either (they took away our Saturday service!) so we’re going again on Sunday. I think I will even do Christ-Life Solutions, it’s a program that runs 8(?) weeks and they just talk about your past, your relationship with Christ, etc. It’s a small group activity and my friend, Shawna, did it. She loved it and said it was the mostly amazing experience. Hm..I just looked at POG’s website and saw this series is on Prayer, how it really does change things. I can’t wait for Sunday now!

I guess I don’t know what I’m rambling about…I just want a better relationship with Him. I want to give everything to Him, our baby stress, money stress, job stress. I want Him to take it. I want to feel Him changing my life daily. I want to see how He can change my life. I want Him to change my husband’s life and bring them into a close relationship. I want Jeff to have God’s number on speed dial. Am I asking too much? No….he can do all these things for me…I need patience and trust in Him.

CD6

2009-08-18T09:38:00.000-07:00

Oh what a day. I’m exhausted, for no apparent reason. I went to bed at 11 and got up at 6:30 but I’m still so tired. It’s just one of those days when you don’t want to be at work. Jeff got some upsetting news from work about possibly losing some of his commission percentages every month, which would really hurt us. It's frusterating for Jeff because he's worked his butt off to improve the company and their sales....but what can you do? We do well at saving his commission but without that I have no idea how we’d make it. The fertility costs every month are insane and we plan on me staying home. We had a nice chunk in savings, but fertility meds and procedures have drained that. We planned on building it back up before a baby came with the commission bonuses so I could stay home, and we would have some padding incase Jeff had a bad month. Ugh…Nothing is set in stone, so things could change but it just feels like one thing after another to discourage us. I hope and pray God will still guide us and support us, but some days I feel like he has forgotten we are hearing crying to him.

However, my ultrasound and blood work went well. The right ovary had about 4 follicles that were growing good-measuring between 7-9mm (they will get to about 15-20 before they release an egg). The left side actually had about 6 measuring 6-9mm, so they are growing well also. We really only need one or two mature eggs (measuring 15-20mm) when we trigger; we can’t have more than that or we’ll need to convert to IVF. Triggering with too many eggs could lead to me becoming an octomom, and we’re defiantly not ready for that! I’m still waiting to hear if we need to bump up the dose or not, but most likely we’ll stay at 75. Jeff couldn’t make it this time so I asked for pictures (see below) but Thursday he is coming.

Here are three pics from the ultrasound. The top two are my right ovary, just two different views. The big black dots are fluid filled sacs, which are my follicles. They hold the eggs which will be released when they become mature. (They eggs are way to tiny to see on the ultrasound). The bottom one is my left ovary, a good view of all my follicles!

Injection went well last night, no more bruising so that is good. No symptoms from the shots either-just sleepiness! More updates tomorrow….

Edit: Estrogen level was at 99

CD 5 Update....

2009-08-17T15:51:00.000-07:00

Today is CD5! The follistim injections are going well, I have a small bruise already which I'm sure will only get worse. Otherwise, I feel pretty normal! My estrogen level was at 47, they just wanted it below 100 to start and to slowly rise. I'm doing better on my eating healthy, well except for the piece of cake I had for a coworkers birthday (who can resist cake?!) I've only had a can of pop, which is good because I usually have a 20oz. I also drank 4 bottles of water so far, which is pretty impressive considering I used to barely have one a day! I started back on my Metformin and my body is asjusting, if you know what I mean. AF is almost gone as well-ya! Overall, not too much to post or complain about! I'm excited for the ultrasound tomorrow, hoping I've got some good follies growing!

I'll post an update tomorrow, plan on doing this everyday so I can review old entries if we have to do this again. I'm praying not, but we'll see. Bad news is if we do have to do this again, we can't do another one until the end of October :-(

Follistim-Day 1

2009-08-15T20:20:00.000-07:00

Tonight we went to Huhot for dinner and to a movie, The Ugly Truth. It was really good and Jeff even approved :-) When we got home my alarm went off for the 10pm injection! It was easy, as I've done the Ovidrel injections before. Below is a video of our first injection-please disregard my white, chubby tummy. It's been hid behind t-shirts and candy all summer :-) I plan on working on this very soon...

Also pics of the stuff for the injection. Peroxide to clean the injection site and needles, pop bottle to hold my used needles, and the injection pack. I still need to pick up my Ovidrel shot and vaginal suppositories, hopefully I can remember to do that Monday.

Here's also a cute pic of Jeff. He took the booklet from the pack and read each step, to make sure we did it all right. Isn't he adorable :-) He'll be an awesome daddy! Now off to cuddle with Jeff before bed.......

Edit: Estrogen level was at 47

Good News for Once!!!

2009-08-15T11:18:00.000-07:00

I had my CD3 ultrasound this morning at 9:50. Jeff asked me last night and this morning what we were looking for and what the plan was. He repeated each step to me, and which CD things would happen. It's so sweet and encouraging how much he cares and is insterested in this whole process. I'm thankful to have such an amazing hubby! Anyway.....

After waiting in the waiting room forever, ok 25 minutes, my name was finaly called. I undressed and waited for nurse to come, dreading the 'vag cam' because I was still having heavy bleeding. I prepared Jeff for the grossness that was about to come! The uterine lining looked good, and suprisingly the right ovary was producing follices, on it's own!! Whohoo!! Now, I still need to do the injectables but they are lowering the dose to 75, rather than 150. After digging (literaly-ouch!) for my left ovary we saw that it was producing more follicles, just smaller ones. So, all in all, I had a little under 20 follies growing! I will do my first injection tonight and then come back on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday for more ultrasounds, monitoring and bloodwork. We are hoping to trigger Saturday or Monday, then IUI 36 hours after trigger. Prayers, prayers, prayers please!!!!!! On our way home from the appoint Jeff said, wouldn't that be awesome if we had a baby? Wow, yes hunny it would. I'm excited, nervous, and trying to learn patience! AH!!!!!!!!! Here we go!

Guess who arrived?

2009-08-13T19:23:00.000-07:00

Yup, AF came today! Just a week or so late...but better late than never! I have my CD3 ultrasound on Saturday morning and I'm hoping they say all is clear so that we can start the injections Saturday night. Then, the everyother day ultrasounds start and the bills rack up, but hopefully it will all be worth it :-)

I'm very excited and nervous! What sucks is I'll be in San Diego cycle days 21-26 which means I won't know if I'm pregnant before we go. Not that it matters, but it would be fun to know :) Maybe while we're away I'll be able to forget about it all and my 2ww will go faster!! Prayers are always appreciated, we'd love our own little miracle :-) Have a fab weekend everyone, updates after the u/s!

IUI is still on!

2009-08-11T17:22:00.000-07:00

I talked to Dr.C today and explained that I haven't had my period but don't want to take Estrogen supplements again because of how they made me feel. He said that was fine, come in Monday for an u/s to see if your ovaries are 'quiet' meaning no cysts and no follies. If all looks good we can go ahead with injections and IUI. I'm pretty excited but a little worried to...hopefully this is our month. PLEASE whatever you do, say a small prayer for us. I wanna be a mommy :-)

Duckies due date is Friday, I'm taking the day off to spend with hubby. I'm just not in the mood to be at work on that sad day. Where's missing you ducky, love you so much. Give Taz and Blue Blue cuddles from me. We'll meet you at the Gates some day, until then say a prayer for your sibling, will ya?

Gender Neutral Nursery-I need YOUR help!

2009-08-09T17:35:00.000-07:00

Alright ladies, time to decorate the nursery! Yah!!! Below is what I think I want to do with the nursery, but I need your ideas! Please, please, please post your favorite gender neutral nursery and ideas! Once I've decided on my favorite I'm going to post a poll and you guys can vote on what we should do :-)

Here's my idea so far......

I love this nursery! It's calm, quiet and neutral. I would love to do blue stripes on the bottom. Should I rotate between dark and light blue or shiny and flat paint for the stripes? Top will be blue also. I'd love to do the white bedding, with maybe a little more brown tied in.

I love the pattern in this bedding. I'm hoping to make a quilt and some pillows for the nursery with fabric similiar to this.

I love these 'balls' above the crib instead of doing a mobile. I would probably do browns and ivories. Whatcha think?

Lastly, I want to do an Upper Case Living saying about the crib that says "Miracles come in all shapes and sizes". Our miracle may not be made in my belly but s/he will be loved with all our hearts! Any other cute sayings you love? What else should I put on the walls? Above the changing table, etc?!

Thank you for all you ideas and opinions! I can't wait to start!

IUI #1 is a Failure!

2009-08-09T16:01:00.000-07:00

It looks like we won’t be doing an IUI after all. I’m ok with that actually, maybe even a little happy. I had a feeling this wasn’t going to work and now we don’t need to waste the money.

I started provera about 2 weeks ago to induce my period, well my period never came. I took a HPT and it was a BFN. In March this happened and my estrogen was extremely low. I had to take Estrodial for 30 days, then provera again. Doesn’t seem so bad but the estrogen supplements gave me the worst migraines all month! Ugh! I’m ok with this though. I think this is God saying that foster care and adoption is in our plans. I’m actually very excited for the journey we are about to embark on and Jeff is excited too. It’s fun to talk about everything and exciting for all the unknown. Knowing six months from now we could have a son, a daughter, 2 kids, or none. Crazy huh? One minute we’ll be husband and wife, and hours later we could become parents!! Ah! Exciting and nerve wracking but this has given me so much drive to get stuff done. I’ve been garage saling, saving money and reasearching a lot to prepare for all this. We’re finishing up lots of little projects to get ready for our home study! I can’t wait….the Lord has a greater plan for us and I’m excited for it!

Watch out...this ones a long one!

2009-08-04T16:24:00.000-07:00

Jeff and I have some, sort of, big news. No, unfortunately we’re not pregnant but we may become parents in the spring! As many of you can image, the fertility treatments are taking a toll on my life and heart. Every month with discouraging news really ways on you and I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t want to do this anymore. Yes, I would love to have a biological child, and just because it doesn’t happen now, doesn’t mean it won’t happen in the future. So, what am I getting at? Jeff and I have decided to become foster/adoptive parents. We are going to attend orientation on August 31st and then decide for sure if this is the path we want to take. There are many reasons why we decided to do this. I always felt like I was put on earth to be a mom but also to care for children. If you know me personally, you know I love children with all my heart. I prayed a lot this summer about the path God wanted us to take and somehow, somewhere I stumbled upon foster care and adoptive parenting. (I’ll explain what this all means later). Jeff’s heart wasn’t in it at first and I think he still hasn’t completely fallen for the idea. We still plan on going through with the IUI in August, and if we get pregnant with that we’ll be super excited! But if not, we’ll continue with foster care. I looked into adoption but for many reasons my heart didn’t feel like that was right. The cost and wait is long, plus there are so many children here that need good, loving, stable homes. Everyday I do more research on this and find this is the path God wants us to take. Jeff’s heart has slowly been softened to this idea and he is open to taking this journey.

Now, what does foster/adoptive parenting mean? There are many ways to be foster parents but we have chosen a special route with the intention of adoption. We are going to orientation in August and should be starting our 10 weeks of PS-MAPP training in October. From what I’ve learned during the 10 weeks of training we’ll have 2-3 home studies, collect reference letters from family and friends, and learn about how to be a great foster parent as well as the type of kids that are brought into foster care. Jeff and I have decided to foster 0-3years of age children. I am going to stress the fact that we would like a newborn or baby because we want to adopt. We are also going to talk to our social worker and let her know we’d really like ‘low replacement’ children. This means that a child is taken out of their home and placed in foster care. During this time the parents rights can be terminated by court and they contact other families members to see if they would like to adopt the child. If the parental rights are terminated and family member don’t want to adopt the child we start the process of adoption. We have been ‘warned’ that we may be foster parents to a few children before we have the option to adopt but I think the most important part to remember in all this is that we are there for the child, to give them a loving, stable home during this hard time. I know this will be hard for us but I also know God wouldn’t have put this in our hearts if it wasn’t the right plan for us.

Now, I’m very excited and a little stressed. Our age range is pretty large which means I need to be prepared for a newborn AND toddler. (Oh, and did I mention we could get siblings to?!) We already have a nursery set up and will be making the guest bedroom more ‘kid friendly’ just in case. But how do I plan for all this? I need a toddler car seat and an infant car seat, do I get a single stroller or double or wait to see what happens? What if we foster one child then a few months later another one-so we have two? How do I decide on clothes? Get a few outfits in each age range? Ah!!! SO much to do. I may be getting ahead of myself as we still have an IUI to do and training to attend, but I’m trying to my hardest to prepare our home and us mentally.

I know many of you may be judging our decision, but please support us through our journey. It will be hard, it could be emotionally painful, but I think through the support of God and our family, we can do this. If this is how He wants our family to grow, this is how we will do it!

PS- I am making my blog private from now on. This isn't because I don't want you to read it (I hope you all still follow us!) but we need more privacy. Plus, with foster/adoptive care the childs privacy needs to be respected so we are making sure that I know (or kind of know) all of our followers!

Going Private

2009-08-04T10:08:00.000-07:00

We have decided to 'go private' with this blog for many reasons, main one will be 'announced' in a couple days! So if you want to continue to read this blog, which I hope everyone of you does, please email me your email address at jplotz22 at gmail dot com.

Is that you Ducky?

2009-07-30T17:33:00.001-07:00

The other day I was getting ready in the bathroom and noticed a 'smug' on our mirror. After looking closely I realized it looked alot out 'Ducky'. Remember him??

I took a picture, it just reminds me that he is always watching over us.

He spent only weeks in my belly, but will forever be in our hearts.

Yah!!!!!!!

2009-07-23T06:49:00.000-07:00

Some of you know that I signed up to do some volunteer work at Childserve (an organization that is home to children, mostly with disabilities). They had to do a ton of reference, background checks, etc but today I got a call that they want me to come in for orientation on Wednesday!! They are going to show me around the center, explain what I can do, meet the children, etc. I can volunteer to do a bunch of stuff but mostly I'll be spending time with the newborn/toddlers that live there. I'll be spending time walking, reading and rocking them before bed. I really can't wait and I know I'll want to take them all home too!

I'm also hoping this will also help me to learn if fostering to adopt is right for us. I'll learn alot about the children and their lives. I'm guessing this will make me want to foster/adopt more but we'll see what happens. I'll update after my Wednesday orientation!

Last night Jeff and I also watched 16 and Pregnant, where Caitln and her bf put their baby girl up for adoption. It was the most amazing story I've ever heard. The maturity of those 16 year olds was amazing, and the respect and love the boyfriend had for his daughter and gf were amazing. I don't think any boys in my high school would have acted like him. I bawled through the whole thing, with Jeff holding me. It was touching, heartbreaking and amazing all at the same time. To see the heartache the birth parents went through, but also knowing they made the right choice and the happiness that was brought to the adoptive parents. Wow, everyone needs to watch it. (just got to mtv.com and you can watch it online there!)

Cloth Diapers

2009-07-22T10:56:00.000-07:00

Now, before ya'll mothers lecture me on how we'll hate cloth diapering, how much harder it will be once we have a baby of our own, etc let me now tell you I've heard it all! Jeff and I discussed this and we definatly want to try cloth diapers. I was one of the girls thinking these 'green moms' were crazy using cloth diapers but the more I research the more I think I want to try it. Jeff is completely on board, which is a big suprise to me! I think what caught him was 'we'll save money in the long run'. I've spoken with tons of my nesties who have used cloth diapers and not one regrets it. Plus, with me staying home I think it will work out really well too.

Also-cloth diapers aren't what they used to be :-) They have upgraded quite abit! They are many different styles you can use, from prefolds (old fashioned kind) to types with liners that are removed, etc. I'm still doing my research on which ones we'll like and last night I got to check out some of my friends, Erin's, cloth diaper stash she has for her little boy.

Here's a youtube video on prefolds:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCPGsB8k5sM

And here's a website about cloth diapers...

http://web.mac.com/meredithnsinclair/Muddled_Musings/ClothDiapers.html

Now, my favorite part! Look how cute these are!!!

How cute is this cover?

Now I just need a baby to put these in.....;-)

Have I lost my mind?

2009-07-21T11:29:00.001-07:00

Yes, probably. I need to put some thoughts down on 'paper' before they go crazy in my brain. As some of you know, through our journey of IF I've always thought about adoption. The costs, time and unknown have scared me but something always brings me back. I often google, research and read posts about adoption. Lately, something has really been pulling at my heart. There's a type of adoption out there where you foster a child with intentions to adopt. (A blogger, Erin and her husband, are doing this). I origionally met Erin on the Nest and have been following her journey for awhile. Reading her posts have given me some insight to the experience they are going through. However, it's just not that. I can't stop thinking about the children who are in homes, hospitals, etc with no mommies, daddies, loving homes, etc. I know this is a huge process and will be a challenge if Jeff and I decide to do this, but it's something I've been thinking about for awhile. I talked with Jeff last night about it, he still wants a biological child, but agreed to do 3 IUI's and then have a serous talk about adoption. The process would be shorter and cost would be so much less, but stress would be more. We would be able to chose the age of the child (somewhat) and it's a possibity to adopt siblings. I guess I'm so confused as to why this has been on my mind for awhile, where did this come from? I always said I wanted to carry a child, feel him/her kick inside me, give birth, etc. But something is pulling at my heart and I can't get it out of my mind. I'm sure I'll be posting more with thoughts and questions about this. Around Christmas/New Year we'll be discussing it more if the IUI's don't work (for some reason I feel like they won't-but maybe that's me not letting myself get excited). Hm...just prayers that God will guide both our hearts on this decision. I'm sure my thoughts are a little premature but I needed to get something down on 'paper'.

Injectable Class

2009-07-17T07:59:00.000-07:00

Our injectables class is next Tuesday and Jeff just found out he'll be out of town :-( I called to reschedule our class but Tiffany (the nurse) said there wasn't another one for about a month. So, it looks like I'll be going all by myself! Yuck! Jeff is bummed too, but I guess we'll have to deal. Hopefully there are a few other ladies whose hubbies don't join them so I don't feel like an outcast :-P

Beta Neg/AF Arrived

2009-07-13T06:42:00.000-07:00

I had my beta on Friday, it was a BFN. The nurse, Tiffany, called and we talked about how the Femara was producing one big egg and I was having strong ovulation but the timed intercourse wasm't really working. She said she also thought it was a good idea to move onto injectables and an IUI. She also ended the conversation saying she really hoped next month was our month!! Yah! So nice to have such a sweet nurse!

Oh, and then AF showed up Friday evening, of course.

The plan?! Taking injectable class on July 21st. Start provera July 27th to induce my period. Then go in for my CD3 ultrasound on or around August 8th. U/S and injectables following for 2 weeks and then...artificial insemination! Yah! I'm very excited. The bad part is that I will either have to test while we are in San Diego (could be good or bad) or I'll find out right before we leave. Hopefully it will be good news, but if not, then I'll be enjoying the sun and fun and I won't even be bummed about a BFN.

I love my nesties...

2009-07-08T17:58:00.001-07:00

My nesties have been an amazing support system through all my IF and today I got home to this post:

http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/18718686.aspx

It just makes me laugh!! I tested today at 11dpo and I got a clear BFN. However, the boobs are huge and painful! The good news? Even if this cycle is a bust atleast Jeff gets to enjoy the girls being nice and huge for awhile! LOL

Here's a pic from today. (went to watch my little sister show her horse)

Where did THOSE come from?!?!?!?!

No BFP for our Annivesary

2009-07-07T06:39:00.000-07:00

I tested this morning, 10DPO, BFN! Boo! My chart says I O'ed on Monday but I triggered on Thursday, so who knows. If I did O on Monday, this cycle is a bust. We didn't BD religiously around Monday like we did the week/end before. Who knows anymore! I know it's still early, so I'll probably test on Thursday and then have my beta on Friday.

On a happy note-today's our anniversary! Yah! 2 years! It's crazy how much things have changed in two years. We bought a house, 2 new cars, practically remodeled our whole house and are reaching 23 months of TTC. Wow! I can't wait to see what the next 2 years bring us!

Tonight I'm leaving work at 3, hanging out at home and relaxing. We're going to Christopher's, a fancy little restaurant in a sweet little town, then watching a movie on the hammock under the stairs :-) You can check out my other blog for the pic of the gorgeous ring Jeff got me!

Off to work...I have alot of stuff to finish in the next 6hrs16minutes!

Pregnant?

2009-07-06T11:48:00.000-07:00

I'm trying not to jinx myself, but I feel pregnant. Last time I was pregnant I thought I was also, and had sore boobs/nipples like I do now! My boobs have been sore all weekend and I've been exhausted! I slept for 12 hours on Friday and Saturday night and had to drag myself out of bed. Today at work I cried for over something completely stupid. My p4 came back at 24 which means I ovulated, so hopefully we BD'ed at the right time! Tomorrow is our anniversary and I'm going to test in the morning just to see. It'll only be 10dpo but hopefully we get an amazing anniversary present! Pray, pray, pray for another miracle!!!!!

Thankful.

2009-07-06T06:17:00.001-07:00

As I was reading through my last posts I realized how depressed I sound! Although the journey of infertility is hard, especially when I see Jeff hurting from it, I'm actually thankful for the wait. If Jeff and I would have gotten pregnant right away we wouldn't be as financially stable as now, our relationship wouldn't have had the time to grow and develop as it has-we've become so close and learned so much from each other! I love this time when it's just the two of us and we can do whatever we want. I'm thankful for that-but I'm ready for a 'family' now. However, I need to remind myself that each month that goes by without a BFP is a month that we are blessed with and need to enjoy this time!

*I use this blog to vent, alot! Most of my posts are my random, jumbled thoughts and I tend to write the most when I'm having a bad day or hour :-) So please don't think I'm this angry, dark, depressed person! I'm actually very happy and feel very blessed....but maybe the zoloft helps with that alot too. haha

Some Days.

2009-07-02T09:10:00.001-07:00

Some days I want to give up. Not because I'm mad or frusterated but because I need a break. Somedays I want to quit fertility treatments for a year, travel all over the world, spoil myself, not worry about money and enjoy this 'single' life.

Somedays are harder than others. Yesterday I cried almost all afternoon and evening. Jeff was understanding and did the grocery shopping for me so I could hang out in our hammock and read a book. He comforted me and listened while I talked, he also reminded me that I need to have faith. God has a plan for us, and its better than we can image.

Somedays I wonder why God would do this too us. If he truly loved us, why is he putting us through this? My God wouldn't want me to hurt. My God wouldn't let my bff become pregnant by suprise while we try so hard, it makes me feel like he is taunting us. My God, the God I know, wants us to be happy.

Most days I trust in Him with my whole heart. I know this is hard, I know He is crying with me. I know He holds me while the tears fall and I know He listens when I'm angry, hurt or just upset. I know He is here and I know His plan is always better than mine.

Most days I don't think I can go another day without positive news. But on those days, He brings me through it.

Everyday I love my husband and My God more than the last. These years have brought us all closer and we've loved each other more than we thought possible. If anything good has come out of it, it's learning and loving and trusting in each other.

Everday I talk to Ducky. I ask him to watch over his siblings. I ask him to pray to God for us. I tell him I miss him and how I wish, with all my heart, he was still with us. 34 weeks. I would be 34 weeks pregnant tomorrow. Our baby is an angel in heaven and I can't wait for the day to see him waiting for us at the Gates. Love you baby. Love you God and Love you Jeff. Each one of you has pulled me through this and I am thankful you were all brought into my life.

Mood Kill.

2009-07-01T14:19:00.001-07:00

I just got crabbier. I found out that we have to have a break between each IUI cycle. So August we do IUI, if that results in BFN we can't do another until October. Ugh..... Which means if IUI fails us we won't start IVF or adoption until Marchish. But maybe I'll ask to do only 3-4 IUI instead of 5-6...

I'm crabby and frusterated today. I want to go home and lay on my hammock. However, the house needs cleaned up a bit and groceries need bought. Blah, don't want to!!

I wish I was 3 again so I could throw a temper tantrum! lol

Boooo

2009-07-01T06:17:00.000-07:00

I hate my body and I hate fertility friend today! As you can see FF is not indicating ovulation anywhere and I'm not good at decifering these charts. We did the trigger shot on the 25th so I should have ovulated Saturday morning at 9:30am. But, my chart is so crazy I can't figure it out. The girls on the nest think I O'ed around CD 18. If I did O, I'm a little worried that my egg was rotten :-( We'll see I guess.

This is my perfect, normal and readable chart from last month. See how much easier it is to read?!

Holy Cow.

2009-06-29T08:53:00.000-07:00

I just got off the phone with my RE's nurse again and figured out our schedule. Now Jeff and I must decide if we plan on going through with the procedure in August or September. What's truly stopping us in the financial aspect of it all. I refuse to use a CC, mainly because a year ago we had 13k in cc debt and just paid our last penny of that last month. Now we're working on paying off my car, an extra $800 goes to my car every month and I don't want to stop that because I want and need that to be paid off by the time we have a baby. We'll see what Jeff's commission check is this month and determine if we should wait another month or not.

Here's how this plays out.....

$355 IUI
$50 Ovidrel Trigger
$40 Progesterone Suppositories
$30 Follistim
$280 per ultrasound (first two are paid for)
Totaling a whopping $1,315.00 for a 25% chance at getting pregnant.

Anyway-back to baby making info. Here is my amazing and scary schedule that we will be starting either September 10th or July 23rd.

Start Provera for 10 days to induce period.

CD1- Set up day 3 appointment

CD3-Transvaginal u/s and b/w-hopefully get the ok to start Follistim

CD 4-Injection

CD5-Injection

CD 6-B/W & U/S & Injection

CD 7-Injection

CD 8-B/W and U/S & Injection

CD 9- Injection

CD 10-B/W and U/S & Injection

CD 11-Injection

CD 12-B/W and U/S

(Trigger sometime around CD12)

CD 13-Nothing!!

CD 14-IUI

CD15-28-Progersterone Suppositories
Wait and pray, wait and pray....

Moving On.

2009-06-29T06:36:00.000-07:00

They are sticking that, where?!

I'm going to go ahead and call this cycle a huge bust. My ultrasound showed one extra large follicle (measuring 29mm) but I'm thinking it was a cyst. We did the trigger shot on Thursday night and I should have ovulated on Saturday, but according to my temps I don't think I did. I know the Ovidrel cause some crazy temperatures, but mine are still around my baseline. I have a p4 check on Friday which will give us some more answers, but I'm going with my gut.

I had talked to Dr.C's nurse and she suggested we continue on the Femara and do interuterine artificial insemination (IUI). However, after this month of only having one follicle we've decided to move onto injectables. I'm excited and nervous. Excited because this means we're one step closing to getting pregnant and nervous for a million reason. What if this doesn't work? How are we going to afford $1,500 a month for 3-4 months if the first few don't work? How are we going to afford IVF or adoption if the IUI doesn't work? What if I overstimulate and we have to convert to IVF? So many questions, but it's out of our hands and in God's. I've been praying alot and just trying to let it go, let him guide our hearts and our bodies through this struggle.

Anyway, Dr. C is supposed to call me this morning and let me know which meds I'll be taking so we can check with insurance and see how much that will cost us. We have a class on July 21st to learn how to properly inject myself with the new meds, I guess it's not as easy as my trigger shots! I've been warned about bruising like this:

Ah, the things we do for a baby! I think we'll start the IUI procedure in August/September. I would love to wait until after we get home from San Diego so I can truly enjoy our vacation but we'll see how impatient I am (and more so, how impatient Jeff is!!) More updates later this week...

Lonely.

2009-06-25T10:36:00.000-07:00

I just got back from my CD16 ultrasound. I had one, that's right, one lonely follicles. Over ripe and needing released. It measured 25x32mm. That's stinkin huge! My left side had 3 baby follies, ranging from 1-4mm. I'm triggering tonight anyway and BDing Saturday morning at 9am. If this cycle isn't the one we'll do an IUI next month. Greeeaat...add $355 to our monthly fertility allowance. Plus, Jeff just got back from the dentist and we have to pay them $1,025 for misc. dental work. Ughhhhh....

I need a drink.

CD 16 U/S

2009-06-25T06:34:00.000-07:00

Today I go in for my CD16 u/s. I haven't had a postive opk so I guess we'll be doing a trigger this month, if my follicles are ready. Jeff can't go with my today since he has a dentist appointment so I'll have to update him when I get done. Last night we talked about how I just need a 'time line'. So we kind of figured everything out if the next cycles don't work:

July: Femara, Trigger?, IUI

August: Break cycle (since we'll be starting injects)

September: Injectables & IUI

October: Injectables & IUI

November: Injectables & IUI

December/January: IVF

I still can't believe how quickly things are moving along, which is good and bad. Good because the months are moving quickly but bad because every month has been a bust. I also think we'll try atleast one or two IVF cycles before we continue with adoption. My insurance pays for part of the procedure so we'll end up paying about $5k out of pocket, compared to adoption-that isn't too bad. However, it all depends on what our successrate will be, etc. And maybe, we'll get pregnant this month and our timeline won't even matter, but I'm trying to prepare myself for the months ahead.

I also forced myself to change my perspective. I kept making future plans by "but if I'm pregnant then...". I'm going to stop that. I need to live as if we won't have a baby for years and enjoy this time! I need to shop for news clothes, not think, "but I might need maternity clothes soon". I need to plan vacations and trips and enjoy this time with Jeff and I! That's is my mid-year resolution!

Convincing.

2009-06-22T13:40:00.000-07:00

Every month I like to list reasons as to why it's ok this month to get a BFN. It, kind of, makes me feel better when I get a BFN. I've decided that the best time for me to get pregnant is September and here are my reasons:

1.) I'll be due in June and have always wanted a spring/summer baby. Then we can have outdoor birthday parties!

2.) We'll have my car paid off in May which means one less bill a month.

3.) In May we get bonuses, which means I'll still be working and I'll get my May bonus!

4.) I'll have a baby just in time to enjoy the beautiful summer weather and lose all the baby weight with daily walks!

That's all I can think of for now. Granted, I'd love to get pregnant this month but it's easier for me if I convince myself that this isn't the best month ;-)

Today is CD12, we're BDing every day this week because I do not want to miss my surge! (I think I missed it last cycle). I'll update once I get a + OPK!

No cysts!

2009-06-15T06:31:00.000-07:00

Yah! I had my CD3 ultrasound on Saturday morning. First, I was pretty grossed out at the thought of having an u/s with AF being here, but she was getting ready to leave on day 3 so it wasn't too bad :-). Although, I'm quite sure they've seen worse.

Cheryl was my nurse, she's one of my favorites. She never makes me feel stupid and always explains everything. Love her! Anyway, my right side was beautiful. There was already about 5 follicles, very small, but growing! The left, was a different story. My artery was blocking the view so she had to real poke around to get a view. Honestly, her chest was against my knees and I think her hand was almost in my croch. Gross, and painful, I know. Anyway, after about 7 minutes she finally got a good pic. There weren't any follies growing that much and I did have a 2mm blood/fluid filled sac. This happens after you ovulate and the follie releases the egg. Blood/fluid can come back into the ovary and make a little sac. That's basically what happened. But since it was only 2mm she wasn't concerned at all. So, hopefully my right ovary keeps growing strong and we have a successful cycle!

Oh, and no u/s or trigger this month unless I don't have a +opk by the 16th. We're gonna see if I O on my own this month since AF came on her own!

I also have an appointment with my OB today. I wanted to meet him and discuss everything. He has delivered all my cousins children and everyone loves him, he's very well known in DM! I had an appointment with him but m/c and cancelled. Then he told my cousin I should come in anyway and we can discuss my future pregnancies/etc! So I'll update after that appointment today!

AF Won

2009-06-11T12:40:00.001-07:00

Funny story, last night I get home and decide to take a pregnancy test. I had sore bbs and acne, which last time resulted in a BFP so instead of thinking it's AF, I think maybe I'll get my BFP finally. (Having never had PMS, I had no idea that's what is was like!). I get home, POAS and make Jeff check it. BFN. I go back to the bathroom to finish peeing (because I can barely poas when I have too) and sure enough, AF visited! Ugh! I went back to FF and put my stuff in my chart, and what do ya know? I had a perfect 28 day cycle!! I was so excited! Of course, a BFP would have been better but this is the next best thing! I'm so glad I don't have to do provera for 10 days and then wait to start my period, then do this all over again.

I called my RE and he said that I probably O'ed on cd14 like I thought and just because I didn't have fluid in my uterus doesn't mean I didn't O (like the u/s tech said!) He was out of town, of course, but oh well. He wants us to do another cycle on 7.5mg of Femara with TI. He said to come in on CD16 if I haven't had a +opk and then we'll do a trigger shot.

If this next cycle doesn't work we may try an IUI, but we'll see. Saturday morning I also have to have an u/s to check and see if the cysts went away. Let's hope and pray they did!! Updates then!

AF vs BFP

2009-06-10T10:04:00.000-07:00

Today I was too lazy to get out of bed and test, I just didn't want to see the lonely one line. Plus, my temp dropped a little bit more today (however, I was laying awake for about 2-3 minutes before I realized I needed to take it!). Now today I have zits like crazy and sore bbs. AF has never brought on these symptoms before, but this is also my first month in quite some time taking Femara & Ovidrel, so I'm guessing those meds have caused these great AF symptoms. Tomorrow I'll test again if my temp doesn't drop more.

BFN

2009-06-09T06:22:00.000-07:00

Today, at 12dpo I got a BFN. I know I could have tested too early, but with my last pregnancy I got a BFP in the afternoon of 12dpo. Oh well, if this cycle isn't it we'll just keep going. We really need to decide if we do a few more cycles with Femara + Ovidrel or if we should move onto an injectable to replace the Femara. Decisions, Decisions.

On another note we're going to go look at a house about 30 minutes from where we live now. It's a smaller town, were I grew up and has a great school system for our future kids. There is a new development they are building out there and Jeff and I have thought about possibly building a house out there in a year or so. Depends on where on this baby making stuff goes....

I'll update with pics of the houses (there are 3 floor plans we're looking at). The homes are so beautiful, with 4 bedrooms and a huge mudroom-which has been my dream! lol

Gotta get back to work........ugh.........

41

2009-06-08T10:41:00.000-07:00

I got a call from the nurse today with my progesterone (CD21) results. The p4 was at almost 41! YAH! Tiffany (the nurse) said she likes to see it over 10, so this is great news. She doesn't think that the follicles turned into cysts and she said its possible both follicles released an egg! I googled it a little bit and didn't find many promising experiences, but I'm leaving this in God's hands! I tested on Sunday and got a -, so the hcg from my trigger shot should be out of my system and I might even try an early test tomorrow morning! I'm not going to get too excited though, I don't want to be dissapointed! Prayers for a BFP!

Staying +

2009-06-04T07:36:00.001-07:00

This week hasn't been easy. Nothing in particular, I'm just struggling with so many decisions. Plus, one minute I'm fine, then next I'm crying or upset over something soo tiny. It's just frusterating. I can't concentrate at work and I have no desire to do anything, I hate feeling like this. I've decided to call Dr.C and ask to talk to him about a very low dose of a depression/anxiety medicine. I really thought I could do this all on my own, but I'm slowly figuring out that it's better not to even try. I'm having a hard time living in the moment. Every thought is always towards the future-when the baby comes. We're paying off my car so things will be easier when the babies arrives, but part of me thinks we should stop throwing so much money onto that car payment so we enjoy life now. I need a 'pick me up' every once in awhile, like shopping, going out with my hubby, etc. I also am having a hard time making myself a better person, which is something I've been trying to work on. I want and need to start working out, but each time I just think that all the hard work will be ruined when I get pregnant. I should be thinking-the healthier I am when I get pregnant, the better. It's so hard not to have a one track mine. I need to find a happy medium-where we are preparing for children but also enjoying this time we have.It's so hard and I really look forward to talking to Dr.C about something to help me. I've gotten to the point where I don't even know what to pray anymore and I feel so down. I hate that-I'm usually a super happy, go lucky person and have no problems leaving everything in God's hands. I don't know if its the new injection or what, but this has been a really hard week.I promise my posts are going to be less depressing soon too....

However-on a happy note Jeff suggested we get tatoos of ducky! I'm getting a white one of a little ducking (haven't decided where) just so I can remember him forever. Jeff is going to get his done in black, I think the words "Ducky" somewhere small on his bod. Ill update with pics when we get around to that!

Ovidrel = Mood Swings

2009-06-01T06:20:00.000-07:00

Saturday I woke up with a headache, which I figured I would. I always get hormonal headaches from anything and everything I take. Then I was a crabby mess all weekend. I put on a 'happy face' for my dancers because we had our recital this weekend but poor Jeff got all my built up frustration. Today's not much better but I may just have a case of the Mondays. I was all excited because last time I got pregnant my nipples were really sore (sorry if that's tmi) about 3 dpo, and they started to hurt and be sensitive on Sunday. However, I looked up the side effects of Ovidrel and there it was... "sore nipples and discomfort at the injection sight." Yup, have both of those! My stomach feels sore on the inside...hmm....

Well, off to work. I need some caffiene and bad food today :-) lol Oh, and maybe a sick day to lay in bed with hubby alllll day and watch movies. Or weekends have been sooo packed for soo long I don't remember when we had an 'us' day. Guess we should get used to that, huh?

Trigger Shot

2009-05-29T19:50:00.000-07:00

Jeff picked up my Ovidrel (my trigger shot to force me to ovulate-if I haven't already). He said the guy at the pharmacy was super nice and explained everything! So, after I got home from dance practice he gave me the shot :-) I always thought the injectables would be scary, but definatly not. My 'insides' feel a little hot where he stuck me but otherwise it was easy peasy! We'll see if this worked next Friday, I'll update then!

Appt.

2009-05-29T09:24:00.000-07:00

Well, the appointment didn't go as well as I thought! The u/s tech said that I had two follicles, my right ovary had a follicle size 25mm and the left was 31mm. She wants us to trigger with Ovidrel tonight around 9:30pm and BD all weekend :-) However, she doesn't think the 'follicles' are actually follicles, she said they are most likely cysts since they are sooo big. However, we should still act as though I'm ovulating and then come in next Friday for a progesterone (cd 21) b/w. This will let us know for sure what they were and we'll go from there. My OPK was - today so I have no idea what's going on. Trying to stay positive and leave it in God's hands. This weekend will be busy with my studio's dance recital so I'll update Monday!

O'ing

2009-05-29T06:10:00.000-07:00

It's a miracle! Lol, ok not really but I think I'm Oing. I had a positive OPK yesterday and my temp jumped this morning from 97.25 to 97.80. We'll see what the ultrasound shows today. Last night we BDed just in case and this morning I have some crazy cramps. I read that is normal but definatly haven't had them before! Anway..will update after 10 when I get back from my appointment!

Trigger & The best BFF

2009-05-28T13:53:00.000-07:00

First, I have to update that tomorrow I'm going in for an ultrasound. The nurse is checking my follies and if their big enough, we'll do a trigger shot this weekend hopefully. Last time I did Femara I didn't O until CD21, so we're trying to trigger and O alot sooner this time! I'll know a ton more tomorrow after my appointment.

The real reason for this post is to brag about my best friend Shawna. She's amazing and always knows what to say. I e-mailed her yesterday when I was having my no good, very bad day. Here's her e-mail back to me. It gave me hope, strength and tears. Love you Shawna!

"honey I am so sorry for what you are going through. I cant imaging the hell that eats inside of you each day. I know that not only are you faced with the huge obsticle of pcos but you have incompassionate people who are not saying and doing the things you need them too. I wish that I had the answers for you. I wish I could help. I wish I could make it all go away for you and make it better. I want you to know that the problems you are going throught are not reflection of you as a person. You are amazing, you are beautiful, you are brilliant, you are one of the most amazing wifes, friends, sisters I have ever seen. And know you have made me a better person. Having you in my life has given me hope that I did not have before. And that speaks volumes to the type of friend you are. I know that you are going to be the most amazing Mother. I am sure that is hard to hear, but I want you to know that there is nothing you have to prove to anyone. You are already spectacular and when you love and care about someone you have the charisma to make them better people, just by being their friend. I pray that you are able to stop feeling bad about yourself. I pray that you give your pain to God to carry on his shoulders and not yours. I pray that you are able to release the suffering you are going through to God. I pray that you are able to see your magnificance and all the lives that you touch in goodness. I pray that you are able to take what you need of each persons comments and statements and block out the stuff you dont need. I pray for compassion for you. And I pray that your prayers are meet. amen

Thank you Lord, for the best friend a girl could ask for!

Better today but...

2009-05-28T07:04:00.000-07:00

I'm better today. Not as upset and depressed as yesterday. I spent the afternoon listening to some good Christian music and reading blogs. After rereading Isaac's story I was reminded how much I don't deserve to cry and vent. That family is so strong and yet has been through so much, my heart and prayers go out to them.

However, I do have my CD16 ultrasound tomorrow. I went to tell my boss today I would be gone for an hour in the morning and she told me I couldn't go! Uhhh, actually you can't say no. It's under FMLA. I told her it was very important for me to go tomorrow, because it was a certain a day after my pills. She told me, ok you can go but 'let's not do this again.' Ugh!! I want to scream!! I just wish she would understand what Jeff and I are going through. Oh well, I'll get over it and I pray she will too.

Soooo ready for a weekend and a vacation. To bad our vacation to San Diego isn't until September 4th!

Today's a hard day...

2009-05-27T13:44:00.000-07:00

I can't concentrate, I can't think, I can't work. Tasks that usually take me about 30 minutes to complete have taken me all afternoon and the minutes are ticking by very slowly. Some days, unlike today, I can sit back and think-we'll be parents someday and until then I will wait patiently and enjoy this time. Not today, all I can think about is our baby in Heaven and if the Femara is working. I gave in & called Dr.C today and asked for an u/s to check my follicles. DH agreed we should check to see how well it's working. I figure it will give me more hope if I see atleast one mature follicle. However, I think they'll be mad I'm calling with such short notice. I'm on CD 14 (office is closed today) and ovulated last time on Femara on CD21. With the weekend coming up and tomorrow out of the question, that leaves Friday morning for the ultrasound. Hopefully they feel sorry for me and let me come in on such short notice, I guess we'll wait and see.

I've lost my patience and can't find it. I'm glad I have DH to lean on, I don't know what I'd do without my amazing man.

I always feel so bad being depressed on days like these because there are so many women out there who have been through so much more. I should be happy we have hope, medicine and a Lord to lean on. But today, I don't even have any words to pray. Just empty thoughts and an empty heart...

Tomorrow will be better and this ugly mood will go away, I hope.

CD 13

2009-05-26T06:37:00.000-07:00

I've been a bad blogger lately, but there has been no big changes. I'm on CD 13 today but doubt I will O until about day 18-20 like last time. I talked to Dr. C and decided to opt out of the cd16 ultrasound to check my follicles. My follicles were growing fine with the 5 mg dose in December (when we got pregnant) so we're going to see how this cycle goes w/o checking the follicles. I also started my OPK's yesterday, however it's going to be hard to find a place to POAS this week because every night I have to go somewhere after work. I bought those stupid dip stick ones which means I can't just sneak into the bathroom and do it. Ugh, don't know how this is going to work but I guess I'll just have to make it! Plus, all weekend is my studio's dance recital so if I am O'ing it will be interesting because I'm gone all day Friday, Saturday and Sunday....it'll be a few late nights for us! Lol

Oh and remember my previos post about my metformin making me sick, it was actually the Femara. I didn't think going from 5mg to 7.5mg would made such a difference but I was very wrong. I felt naseaus, achy and had a few bad headaches last week. I was, however, able to use my FMLA and leave early, so that's good. I just dread another month on that crap! Pray and cross those fingers this is our month!

Just an update..

2009-05-19T06:18:00.000-07:00

First, I just want to complain about this damn metformin. I know it's helping my blood sugar and egg quality but I have felt sooo terrible the last 2 days it's not even fun. It all started Sunday when I had my sister's bridal shower and a birthday party to go to. Basically too much cake + too much ice cream = bad, bad, bad blood sugar the next day for me. Granted, I should have known better but Monday I woke up feeling naseaus and shaky. The whole day was crap and I felt sick, today is completely worse. I didn't take my met with food last night because I took it right before bed. I should have known better-last night I was up all night feeling hot, sick and my b/s was out of control. This morning I'm eating the only thing I can keep down-peanut butter & bread, hopefully that will even things out a bit. If not, I'm going to take a sick day this afternoon and go home and cry until this gets better.

However, on a happy note my period finally came so the Estrogen worked!! Yah!! Only, I had terrible cramps (almost as bad as after my D&C!). Oh well.....now we're just waiting to see when I ovulate and if I get my BFP.

I never thought he'd be saying that!

2009-05-14T07:21:00.001-07:00

Last night I was on the phone with Jeff (he was out of town for work) and he told me that he thinks he wants a baby more than I do! Ha! It's kind of ironic how much things can change in just a few months. Jeff has always wanted children, but was always ok when I didn't ovulate or we got a BFN. However, something has changed in him and he wants to be a father more than anything now! He asks me questions all the time like, did you start your period yet? Are you ovulating?, etc. He also is starting to get angry when others get pregnant accidentally or when we see young/unfit parents. I just pray we can get pregnant with a healthy, strong baby very soon! I'm starting to feel a bit quilty that I can't get or stay pregnant.

However, I think I finally started my period. Hopefully the Estrace worked and I can start my Femara in a couple more days!!

On another note I started sparkpeople.com this past week! I basically track what I eat daily and have lost 3-4lbs this week!! Granted, I really need to lose atleast 10 (goal is 15) so we'll see how it goes. The first few lbs always seem to fall off, then the rest are harder. We'll see how I do!

I gave in...

2009-05-12T09:24:00.000-07:00

Jeff has been talking about starting to try again this past week and has talked me into taking my Femara that I have for this month. It really didn't take much effort from him and I figured that I should use it before it goes bad ;-) So, we're just waiting to see if the Estrogen worked and I get my period! I've been spotting but that doesn't mean much....

I have a problem, it's called I change my mind too much :-)

Blessings....

2009-04-30T10:19:00.000-07:00

Well, what do ya know?! I had a 'talk' with God the other day. I basically said that I know in my heart he wants us to take a break but it's going to be really hard on me, etc. I told him that we were going to follow His plan though and we'll start TTC again in August. I'm even going to hold off on my Femara this month. Well.....he has blessed us greatly since then!!

A.) My husband works as a biomedical technician (fixing machines in OR rooms) and makes commission on sales. Well, we've been praying a really huge contract goes through because the extra $$ would be great! We could get Jeff's truck in June instead of August. This also means we can start paying off my car in June instead of starting in August. Well Jeff got a call on Tuesday night and they are signing the contract!! Woot Woot!!

B.) I really wanted to refinance but called a couple months ago and we couldn't do it-closing costs were going to be around $2,500 out of pocket. Got a call from our mortgage guy last night and they offering to refinance us to 5% interest (we had 6.3%) and our closing costs will only be $1,500!!! YAH!!!!!! Plus, we'll get $1,500 back because that was sitting in escrow. So basically we're refinancing for free. Oh-and biggest part is our mortgage payment is going down $110 a month!

C.) We're refinishing our basement and we have the money saved to finish it all but we'll have to spend a couple months saving for carpeting, once its done. Well, turns out we won't have to make a mortgage payment in June because we're refinancing so that money will go into savings for the carpet!!

So, thank you Lord for all the blessings!! Your plan is better :-) I'll admit that. I'm very thankful for all of this because it means when we'll be so much more stable in a year from now and have alot of our big purchases out of the way! Ok...enough bragging..sorry...

2009-04-28T07:06:00.001-07:00

I don't know if any of you get the Daily Double Portion from Sarah's Laughter but today's really touched my heart. Here it is.......

The young man was in love with his beau...
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.Psalm 139:16

After a long day, my husband and I decided to relax and watch a movie. We pulled up the Pay Per View menu offered by our cable company and began to read the synopses of romantic comedies. One by one, we read the brief introduction to selected movies and passed on each one. One finally caught my eye, but not for the reasons you might expect! The final line of the synopsis was what did it! It read like this:
“The young man was in love with his beau...”
I have to admit, I was a little confused! I thought I had seen this movie before! I don’t remember a young man being in love with another man! It was a sweet comedy about a heterosexual couple falling in love! What was this all about?
Then it hit me! I couldn’t see the end of the synopsis! There wasn’t enough room on the screen to write out the whole story! When we clicked on the “continue” button, the whole story changed!
“The young man was in love with his beautiful bride...”
I started laughing so hard that my husband must have thought I’d lost my mind! When I saw the rest of the description of the movie, my understanding of the movie changed! Only a few more letters took their place on the screen and everything made sense.
You’ll never guess what it reminded me of!
Do you realize that the story of your life has not been totally revealed to you yet? All you see right now is that you don’t have a baby. Remember, you cannot see the entire description yet! There’s simply not enough room in your heart and mind to contain all that the Father has planned for you.
What if the synopsis of your life was displayed for you like the description of my movie?
She will not have a baby...
Perhaps the continued synopsis reads more like this:
She will not have a baby...as easily as she thought she would, but eventually the baby will come.
She will not have a baby...until God’s perfect timing plays out.
Or maybe your story is more like this:
She kept waiting and waiting and waiting...as God revealed His plan to her step by step.
She felt like her heart would burst into a million pieces...from the explosion of joy God gave at the birth of her first child.
She never had a true, intimate relationship with God...like the one brought about through her struggle with infertility.
Who knows? God knows. You cannot know the entirety of God’s beautiful plan for your life. He’s known every day of your life since before time began. If you are struggling with what God wants for this season of your life, remember, you cannot see the full synopsis. Trust Him to write out your life as He sees fit. He knows what’s coming next, and He knows just how much to reveal to you right now.
Only a few revelations can altar your understanding. One day, as God reveals His plan to you in His perfect timing, the story of your life will make sense. Perhaps your life will be a beautiful story for other hurting women to watch and learn from!
Don’t forget to watch the credits! “The Story of Your Life”--written by God!
(c) 2009 Sarah’s Laughter-Christian Support for Infertility & Child Loss

His plan, is always better than mine......

2009-04-23T10:01:00.001-07:00

I need to get all my thoughts down on ‘paper’ so bear with me as I ramble…

I started meeting with a grief counselor from my church, basically because I think I needed someone to hash out my feelings, goals, etc. The meeting went pretty well-she began by reminding me that I’m young, should enjoy the time in my life without children, take my focus off my infertility, etc. Well-I could have talked to a friend who doesn’t understand what I’m going through to hear that! But once we got through those shenanigans it got better. We talked about why I wanted to be a mom and how God fit into my plan. We talked about how much I wanted ‘my plan’ to work and how its been hard giving up and allowing God to take over. Which, brought up a point I’ve been dreading to talk about. I’m scared to give up my plan for his, because I know his plan includes a TTC break. I know, in my heart, he’s asking me to trust him and just take the summer off-start again in August. Go on a trip with DH in August to ‘kick off’ the TTC journey again, but my plans don’t include a break! I want to get pregnant now! Well-it’s so hard for me to let him take over and remind myself that his plan is always better than mine. Plus, I want to become as financially stable as possible so I could possibly work part-time/stay at home! Right now my husband and I are working on paying off all our debt (by the ‘snowball’ method. We’ve done really great-paid off over $12,000 of debt in the last year!!!) YAH! If we wait until August, I’ll be able to buy Jeff a new truck and pay my car off by the time we have a baby, which-of course would be awesome. Ugh, decisions, decisions.

Second problem-Jeff doesn’t want to take a break, at all! He wants to be a dad and wants me to get pregnant now. His faith is not as strong as mine and he doesn’t really understand how God is “telling me” August is the right time. I guess I just need to keep praying and see where all this takes us.

I know for sure I’ll take my Femara in May though. I have a prescription already bought/filled and am already doing the estrogen so we really don’t need to make a decision until after this cycle. (I have a feeling the first cycle won’t work anyway!)

I hope you were able to follow my ramblings, if not-sorry! J On another note, my counselor said the book I’m reading, “Disappointment with God” will really help me. I’m truly enjoying it, a lot! Plus, I started getting the Double Daily Portion through sarahs-laughter.com which is a Christian Loss/Infertility support group. I really love them!

Ok..back to lunch. I pray one of you ladies gets your BFP today!

Let's add another med, shall we?

2009-04-09T17:40:00.000-07:00

Well I talked to Dr. C today-AF is no were to be seen. I guess I need to take estrodial (estrogen) for a MONTH and then start provera for 10 days. Then, AF should come nice and strong and I'll finally be able to take my Femara. I know one month isn't that long to wait but it seems like FOREVER! The good thing is then I won't be in my 2ww during my sister's bacherlorette party so I can actually host that. DH is gone until super late tonight because he is traveling for work so it looks like its me, my kitties and CSI today.....boo....

No Femara Today

2009-04-05T16:39:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess I'm not starting my femara today. Little aunt flow has been sooo incredibly light so I called the on-call nurse today. She said just to wait until I have a 'heavy flow' for three days then take the Femara. I'm fine with that...however I'm worried if I wait too long they'll have me redo my cycle over or something. Ugh..just had to vent. I've had spotting for 3 days so no matter how heavy it is I plan on going ahead and starting the Femara on Thursday, since that will be a week since I took my last provera. However, I feel great after getting my wisdom teeth removed! I've hardly taken any pain meds since I'm still worried they may mess with my Femara. Off to POAS to make sure I'm not preggo and then continue to wait for this spotting to get heavier...who would have ever thought I'd wish for that? lol

CD 1

2009-04-03T21:37:00.000-07:00

Today I started spotting, so I'm using it as CD 1 since it's bright red-as the nurse told me to do. Which means Sunday through Thursday I'll be taking my Femara. And, of course I have to been good about tempting. Oh, how I love to wake every morning to shove a thermometer in my mouth! But I refuse to forget...I WILL be good this month!

I haven't even had a D.Coke (or caffiene for that matter!) since Monday!!! Right now I'm having a hard time on my PCOS diet since I can only eat mushy things for the next couple days since I got my wisdom teeth out but I'll be back on hard core on Monday! I'm excited and nervous for this cycle. I kind of plan on this cycle working, which I keep telling myself to stop doing! We got pregnant on our first cycle of Femara 5.0mg, which was also the first time I O'ed in years. Therefore, I figure if I'm taking 7.5mg what's stopping me from getting pregnant. However, I'm trying hard not to get my hopes up. I also ordered two books from Amazon, they were recommended to me by girls from the The Bump. They are...Dissappointment with God and Facing the Giants. Basically they are supposed to help me understand, talk, and have patience as I wait for our little miracle in His time, not mine. I think they will be great. I'm not angry with God but sometimes question his tatics when I see teenagers or women who can barely afford food pregnant...however, He knows what he is doing and I will have patience. I'll give a review once I read them. Well, off to cuddle with the hubs and watch some TV in bed!

Wisdom Teeth

2009-04-02T12:02:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I finally get my wisdom teeth out. I've been putting this day off for way to long and now my jaw won't aline correctly because my teeth have come in too much! The nurses at Dr. C's office have promised me the procedure and pain killers won't affect this cycle. I'm really hoping this is true, I just took my last provera last night so hopefully will start my period soon. I'm really ready to start trying again...I just want to feel like I'm doing something to push this whole process along! Hopefully I'm not in too much pain tomorrow-Jeff is taking the day off from work so we plan on laying around and watching movies all day!! I'm actually pretty excited, plus I really need a day away from the office!!

My new diet

2009-03-30T09:44:00.001-07:00

I've decided to start the PCOS diet. I have a book about it and am learning alot! I'm really hoping this will help me to have better egg quality and a healthy pregnancy. Granted, I'm not really looking forward to this diet because I can't have caffiene or diet coke-which I'm addicted to :-( I have to eat lots of protien, whole grain, simple sugars, veggies etc. Plus I learned chocolate cake is better than a bagel! Crazy huh? Granted, that doesn't mean I'm supposed to be eating cake for breakfast, but you get the idea. So.....here I go! I'll keep you post on how I do! :-)