Holy Cow.

I just got off the phone with my RE's nurse again and figured out our schedule. Now Jeff and I must decide if we plan on going through with the procedure in August or September. What's truly stopping us in the financial aspect of it all. I refuse to use a CC, mainly because a year ago we had 13k in cc debt and just paid our last penny of that last month. Now we're working on paying off my car, an extra $800 goes to my car every month and I don't want to stop that because I want and need that to be paid off by the time we have a baby. We'll see what Jeff's commission check is this month and determine if we should wait another month or not.

Here's how this plays out.....

$355 IUI
$50 Ovidrel Trigger
$40 Progesterone Suppositories
$30 Follistim
$280 per ultrasound (first two are paid for)
Totaling a whopping $1,315.00 for a 25% chance at getting pregnant.

Anyway-back to baby making info. Here is my amazing and scary schedule that we will be starting either September 10th or July 23rd.

Start Provera for 10 days to induce period.

CD1- Set up day 3 appointment

CD3-Transvaginal u/s and b/w-hopefully get the ok to start Follistim

CD 4-Injection

CD5-Injection

CD 6-B/W & U/S & Injection

CD 7-Injection

CD 8-B/W and U/S & Injection

CD 9- Injection

CD 10-B/W and U/S & Injection

CD 11-Injection

CD 12-B/W and U/S

(Trigger sometime around CD12)

CD 13-Nothing!!

CD 14-IUI

CD15-28-Progersterone Suppositories
Wait and pray, wait and pray....

Moving On.

They are sticking that, where?!

I'm going to go ahead and call this cycle a huge bust. My ultrasound showed one extra large follicle (measuring 29mm) but I'm thinking it was a cyst. We did the trigger shot on Thursday night and I should have ovulated on Saturday, but according to my temps I don't think I did. I know the Ovidrel cause some crazy temperatures, but mine are still around my baseline. I have a p4 check on Friday which will give us some more answers, but I'm going with my gut.

I had talked to Dr.C's nurse and she suggested we continue on the Femara and do interuterine artificial insemination (IUI). However, after this month of only having one follicle we've decided to move onto injectables. I'm excited and nervous. Excited because this means we're one step closing to getting pregnant and nervous for a million reason. What if this doesn't work? How are we going to afford $1,500 a month for 3-4 months if the first few don't work? How are we going to afford IVF or adoption if the IUI doesn't work? What if I overstimulate and we have to convert to IVF? So many questions, but it's out of our hands and in God's. I've been praying alot and just trying to let it go, let him guide our hearts and our bodies through this struggle.

Anyway, Dr. C is supposed to call me this morning and let me know which meds I'll be taking so we can check with insurance and see how much that will cost us. We have a class on July 21st to learn how to properly inject myself with the new meds, I guess it's not as easy as my trigger shots! I've been warned about bruising like this:

Ah, the things we do for a baby! I think we'll start the IUI procedure in August/September. I would love to wait until after we get home from San Diego so I can truly enjoy our vacation but we'll see how impatient I am (and more so, how impatient Jeff is!!) More updates later this week...

Lonely.

I just got back from my CD16 ultrasound. I had one, that's right, one lonely follicles. Over ripe and needing released. It measured 25x32mm. That's stinkin huge! My left side had 3 baby follies, ranging from 1-4mm. I'm triggering tonight anyway and BDing Saturday morning at 9am. If this cycle isn't the one we'll do an IUI next month. Greeeaat...add $355 to our monthly fertility allowance. Plus, Jeff just got back from the dentist and we have to pay them $1,025 for misc. dental work. Ughhhhh....

I need a drink.

CD 16 U/S

Today I go in for my CD16 u/s. I haven't had a postive opk so I guess we'll be doing a trigger this month, if my follicles are ready. Jeff can't go with my today since he has a dentist appointment so I'll have to update him when I get done. Last night we talked about how I just need a 'time line'. So we kind of figured everything out if the next cycles don't work:

July: Femara, Trigger?, IUI

August: Break cycle (since we'll be starting injects)

September: Injectables & IUI

October: Injectables & IUI

November: Injectables & IUI

December/January: IVF

I still can't believe how quickly things are moving along, which is good and bad. Good because the months are moving quickly but bad because every month has been a bust. I also think we'll try atleast one or two IVF cycles before we continue with adoption. My insurance pays for part of the procedure so we'll end up paying about $5k out of pocket, compared to adoption-that isn't too bad. However, it all depends on what our successrate will be, etc. And maybe, we'll get pregnant this month and our timeline won't even matter, but I'm trying to prepare myself for the months ahead.

I also forced myself to change my perspective. I kept making future plans by "but if I'm pregnant then...". I'm going to stop that. I need to live as if we won't have a baby for years and enjoy this time! I need to shop for news clothes, not think, "but I might need maternity clothes soon". I need to plan vacations and trips and enjoy this time with Jeff and I! That's is my mid-year resolution!

Convincing.

Every month I like to list reasons as to why it's ok this month to get a BFN. It, kind of, makes me feel better when I get a BFN. I've decided that the best time for me to get pregnant is September and here are my reasons:

1.) I'll be due in June and have always wanted a spring/summer baby. Then we can have outdoor birthday parties!

2.) We'll have my car paid off in May which means one less bill a month.

3.) In May we get bonuses, which means I'll still be working and I'll get my May bonus!

4.) I'll have a baby just in time to enjoy the beautiful summer weather and lose all the baby weight with daily walks!

That's all I can think of for now. Granted, I'd love to get pregnant this month but it's easier for me if I convince myself that this isn't the best month ;-)

Today is CD12, we're BDing every day this week because I do not want to miss my surge! (I think I missed it last cycle). I'll update once I get a + OPK!

No cysts!

Yah! I had my CD3 ultrasound on Saturday morning. First, I was pretty grossed out at the thought of having an u/s with AF being here, but she was getting ready to leave on day 3 so it wasn't too bad :-). Although, I'm quite sure they've seen worse.

Cheryl was my nurse, she's one of my favorites. She never makes me feel stupid and always explains everything. Love her! Anyway, my right side was beautiful. There was already about 5 follicles, very small, but growing! The left, was a different story. My artery was blocking the view so she had to real poke around to get a view. Honestly, her chest was against my knees and I think her hand was almost in my croch. Gross, and painful, I know. Anyway, after about 7 minutes she finally got a good pic. There weren't any follies growing that much and I did have a 2mm blood/fluid filled sac. This happens after you ovulate and the follie releases the egg. Blood/fluid can come back into the ovary and make a little sac. That's basically what happened. But since it was only 2mm she wasn't concerned at all. So, hopefully my right ovary keeps growing strong and we have a successful cycle!

Oh, and no u/s or trigger this month unless I don't have a +opk by the 16th. We're gonna see if I O on my own this month since AF came on her own!

I also have an appointment with my OB today. I wanted to meet him and discuss everything. He has delivered all my cousins children and everyone loves him, he's very well known in DM! I had an appointment with him but m/c and cancelled. Then he told my cousin I should come in anyway and we can discuss my future pregnancies/etc! So I'll update after that appointment today!

AF Won

Funny story, last night I get home and decide to take a pregnancy test. I had sore bbs and acne, which last time resulted in a BFP so instead of thinking it's AF, I think maybe I'll get my BFP finally. (Having never had PMS, I had no idea that's what is was like!). I get home, POAS and make Jeff check it. BFN. I go back to the bathroom to finish peeing (because I can barely poas when I have too) and sure enough, AF visited! Ugh! I went back to FF and put my stuff in my chart, and what do ya know? I had a perfect 28 day cycle!! I was so excited! Of course, a BFP would have been better but this is the next best thing! I'm so glad I don't have to do provera for 10 days and then wait to start my period, then do this all over again.

I called my RE and he said that I probably O'ed on cd14 like I thought and just because I didn't have fluid in my uterus doesn't mean I didn't O (like the u/s tech said!) He was out of town, of course, but oh well. He wants us to do another cycle on 7.5mg of Femara with TI. He said to come in on CD16 if I haven't had a +opk and then we'll do a trigger shot.

If this next cycle doesn't work we may try an IUI, but we'll see. Saturday morning I also have to have an u/s to check and see if the cysts went away. Let's hope and pray they did!! Updates then!

AF vs BFP

Today I was too lazy to get out of bed and test, I just didn't want to see the lonely one line. Plus, my temp dropped a little bit more today (however, I was laying awake for about 2-3 minutes before I realized I needed to take it!). Now today I have zits like crazy and sore bbs. AF has never brought on these symptoms before, but this is also my first month in quite some time taking Femara & Ovidrel, so I'm guessing those meds have caused these great AF symptoms. Tomorrow I'll test again if my temp doesn't drop more.

BFN

Today, at 12dpo I got a BFN. I know I could have tested too early, but with my last pregnancy I got a BFP in the afternoon of 12dpo. Oh well, if this cycle isn't it we'll just keep going. We really need to decide if we do a few more cycles with Femara + Ovidrel or if we should move onto an injectable to replace the Femara. Decisions, Decisions.

On another note we're going to go look at a house about 30 minutes from where we live now. It's a smaller town, were I grew up and has a great school system for our future kids. There is a new development they are building out there and Jeff and I have thought about possibly building a house out there in a year or so. Depends on where on this baby making stuff goes....

I'll update with pics of the houses (there are 3 floor plans we're looking at). The homes are so beautiful, with 4 bedrooms and a huge mudroom-which has been my dream! lol

Gotta get back to work........ugh.........

41

I got a call from the nurse today with my progesterone (CD21) results. The p4 was at almost 41! YAH! Tiffany (the nurse) said she likes to see it over 10, so this is great news. She doesn't think that the follicles turned into cysts and she said its possible both follicles released an egg! I googled it a little bit and didn't find many promising experiences, but I'm leaving this in God's hands! I tested on Sunday and got a -, so the hcg from my trigger shot should be out of my system and I might even try an early test tomorrow morning! I'm not going to get too excited though, I don't want to be dissapointed! Prayers for a BFP!

Staying +

This week hasn't been easy. Nothing in particular, I'm just struggling with so many decisions. Plus, one minute I'm fine, then next I'm crying or upset over something soo tiny. It's just frusterating. I can't concentrate at work and I have no desire to do anything, I hate feeling like this. I've decided to call Dr.C and ask to talk to him about a very low dose of a depression/anxiety medicine. I really thought I could do this all on my own, but I'm slowly figuring out that it's better not to even try. I'm having a hard time living in the moment. Every thought is always towards the future-when the baby comes. We're paying off my car so things will be easier when the babies arrives, but part of me thinks we should stop throwing so much money onto that car payment so we enjoy life now. I need a 'pick me up' every once in awhile, like shopping, going out with my hubby, etc. I also am having a hard time making myself a better person, which is something I've been trying to work on. I want and need to start working out, but each time I just think that all the hard work will be ruined when I get pregnant. I should be thinking-the healthier I am when I get pregnant, the better. It's so hard not to have a one track mine. I need to find a happy medium-where we are preparing for children but also enjoying this time we have.It's so hard and I really look forward to talking to Dr.C about something to help me. I've gotten to the point where I don't even know what to pray anymore and I feel so down. I hate that-I'm usually a super happy, go lucky person and have no problems leaving everything in God's hands. I don't know if its the new injection or what, but this has been a really hard week.I promise my posts are going to be less depressing soon too....

However-on a happy note Jeff suggested we get tatoos of ducky! I'm getting a white one of a little ducking (haven't decided where) just so I can remember him forever. Jeff is going to get his done in black, I think the words "Ducky" somewhere small on his bod. Ill update with pics when we get around to that!

Ovidrel = Mood Swings

Saturday I woke up with a headache, which I figured I would. I always get hormonal headaches from anything and everything I take. Then I was a crabby mess all weekend. I put on a 'happy face' for my dancers because we had our recital this weekend but poor Jeff got all my built up frustration. Today's not much better but I may just have a case of the Mondays. I was all excited because last time I got pregnant my nipples were really sore (sorry if that's tmi) about 3 dpo, and they started to hurt and be sensitive on Sunday. However, I looked up the side effects of Ovidrel and there it was... "sore nipples and discomfort at the injection sight." Yup, have both of those! My stomach feels sore on the inside...hmm....

Well, off to work. I need some caffiene and bad food today :-) lol Oh, and maybe a sick day to lay in bed with hubby alllll day and watch movies. Or weekends have been sooo packed for soo long I don't remember when we had an 'us' day. Guess we should get used to that, huh?