Trigger Shot

Jeff picked up my Ovidrel (my trigger shot to force me to ovulate-if I haven't already). He said the guy at the pharmacy was super nice and explained everything! So, after I got home from dance practice he gave me the shot :-) I always thought the injectables would be scary, but definatly not. My 'insides' feel a little hot where he stuck me but otherwise it was easy peasy! We'll see if this worked next Friday, I'll update then!

Appt.

Well, the appointment didn't go as well as I thought! The u/s tech said that I had two follicles, my right ovary had a follicle size 25mm and the left was 31mm. She wants us to trigger with Ovidrel tonight around 9:30pm and BD all weekend :-) However, she doesn't think the 'follicles' are actually follicles, she said they are most likely cysts since they are sooo big. However, we should still act as though I'm ovulating and then come in next Friday for a progesterone (cd 21) b/w. This will let us know for sure what they were and we'll go from there. My OPK was - today so I have no idea what's going on. Trying to stay positive and leave it in God's hands. This weekend will be busy with my studio's dance recital so I'll update Monday!

O'ing

It's a miracle! Lol, ok not really but I think I'm Oing. I had a positive OPK yesterday and my temp jumped this morning from 97.25 to 97.80. We'll see what the ultrasound shows today. Last night we BDed just in case and this morning I have some crazy cramps. I read that is normal but definatly haven't had them before! Anway..will update after 10 when I get back from my appointment!

Trigger & The best BFF

First, I have to update that tomorrow I'm going in for an ultrasound. The nurse is checking my follies and if their big enough, we'll do a trigger shot this weekend hopefully. Last time I did Femara I didn't O until CD21, so we're trying to trigger and O alot sooner this time! I'll know a ton more tomorrow after my appointment.

The real reason for this post is to brag about my best friend Shawna. She's amazing and always knows what to say. I e-mailed her yesterday when I was having my no good, very bad day. Here's her e-mail back to me. It gave me hope, strength and tears. Love you Shawna!

"honey I am so sorry for what you are going through. I cant imaging the hell that eats inside of you each day. I know that not only are you faced with the huge obsticle of pcos but you have incompassionate people who are not saying and doing the things you need them too. I wish that I had the answers for you. I wish I could help. I wish I could make it all go away for you and make it better. I want you to know that the problems you are going throught are not reflection of you as a person. You are amazing, you are beautiful, you are brilliant, you are one of the most amazing wifes, friends, sisters I have ever seen. And know you have made me a better person. Having you in my life has given me hope that I did not have before. And that speaks volumes to the type of friend you are. I know that you are going to be the most amazing Mother. I am sure that is hard to hear, but I want you to know that there is nothing you have to prove to anyone. You are already spectacular and when you love and care about someone you have the charisma to make them better people, just by being their friend. I pray that you are able to stop feeling bad about yourself. I pray that you give your pain to God to carry on his shoulders and not yours. I pray that you are able to release the suffering you are going through to God. I pray that you are able to see your magnificance and all the lives that you touch in goodness. I pray that you are able to take what you need of each persons comments and statements and block out the stuff you dont need. I pray for compassion for you. And I pray that your prayers are meet. amen

Thank you Lord, for the best friend a girl could ask for!

Better today but...

I'm better today. Not as upset and depressed as yesterday. I spent the afternoon listening to some good Christian music and reading blogs. After rereading Isaac's story I was reminded how much I don't deserve to cry and vent. That family is so strong and yet has been through so much, my heart and prayers go out to them.

However, I do have my CD16 ultrasound tomorrow. I went to tell my boss today I would be gone for an hour in the morning and she told me I couldn't go! Uhhh, actually you can't say no. It's under FMLA. I told her it was very important for me to go tomorrow, because it was a certain a day after my pills. She told me, ok you can go but 'let's not do this again.' Ugh!! I want to scream!! I just wish she would understand what Jeff and I are going through. Oh well, I'll get over it and I pray she will too.

Soooo ready for a weekend and a vacation. To bad our vacation to San Diego isn't until September 4th!

Today's a hard day...

I can't concentrate, I can't think, I can't work. Tasks that usually take me about 30 minutes to complete have taken me all afternoon and the minutes are ticking by very slowly. Some days, unlike today, I can sit back and think-we'll be parents someday and until then I will wait patiently and enjoy this time. Not today, all I can think about is our baby in Heaven and if the Femara is working. I gave in & called Dr.C today and asked for an u/s to check my follicles. DH agreed we should check to see how well it's working. I figure it will give me more hope if I see atleast one mature follicle. However, I think they'll be mad I'm calling with such short notice. I'm on CD 14 (office is closed today) and ovulated last time on Femara on CD21. With the weekend coming up and tomorrow out of the question, that leaves Friday morning for the ultrasound. Hopefully they feel sorry for me and let me come in on such short notice, I guess we'll wait and see.

I've lost my patience and can't find it. I'm glad I have DH to lean on, I don't know what I'd do without my amazing man.

I always feel so bad being depressed on days like these because there are so many women out there who have been through so much more. I should be happy we have hope, medicine and a Lord to lean on. But today, I don't even have any words to pray. Just empty thoughts and an empty heart...

Tomorrow will be better and this ugly mood will go away, I hope.

CD 13

I've been a bad blogger lately, but there has been no big changes. I'm on CD 13 today but doubt I will O until about day 18-20 like last time. I talked to Dr. C and decided to opt out of the cd16 ultrasound to check my follicles. My follicles were growing fine with the 5 mg dose in December (when we got pregnant) so we're going to see how this cycle goes w/o checking the follicles. I also started my OPK's yesterday, however it's going to be hard to find a place to POAS this week because every night I have to go somewhere after work. I bought those stupid dip stick ones which means I can't just sneak into the bathroom and do it. Ugh, don't know how this is going to work but I guess I'll just have to make it! Plus, all weekend is my studio's dance recital so if I am O'ing it will be interesting because I'm gone all day Friday, Saturday and Sunday....it'll be a few late nights for us! Lol

Oh and remember my previos post about my metformin making me sick, it was actually the Femara. I didn't think going from 5mg to 7.5mg would made such a difference but I was very wrong. I felt naseaus, achy and had a few bad headaches last week. I was, however, able to use my FMLA and leave early, so that's good. I just dread another month on that crap! Pray and cross those fingers this is our month!

Just an update..

First, I just want to complain about this damn metformin. I know it's helping my blood sugar and egg quality but I have felt sooo terrible the last 2 days it's not even fun. It all started Sunday when I had my sister's bridal shower and a birthday party to go to. Basically too much cake + too much ice cream = bad, bad, bad blood sugar the next day for me. Granted, I should have known better but Monday I woke up feeling naseaus and shaky. The whole day was crap and I felt sick, today is completely worse. I didn't take my met with food last night because I took it right before bed. I should have known better-last night I was up all night feeling hot, sick and my b/s was out of control. This morning I'm eating the only thing I can keep down-peanut butter & bread, hopefully that will even things out a bit. If not, I'm going to take a sick day this afternoon and go home and cry until this gets better.

However, on a happy note my period finally came so the Estrogen worked!! Yah!! Only, I had terrible cramps (almost as bad as after my D&C!). Oh well.....now we're just waiting to see when I ovulate and if I get my BFP.

I never thought he'd be saying that!

Last night I was on the phone with Jeff (he was out of town for work) and he told me that he thinks he wants a baby more than I do! Ha! It's kind of ironic how much things can change in just a few months. Jeff has always wanted children, but was always ok when I didn't ovulate or we got a BFN. However, something has changed in him and he wants to be a father more than anything now! He asks me questions all the time like, did you start your period yet? Are you ovulating?, etc. He also is starting to get angry when others get pregnant accidentally or when we see young/unfit parents. I just pray we can get pregnant with a healthy, strong baby very soon! I'm starting to feel a bit quilty that I can't get or stay pregnant.

However, I think I finally started my period. Hopefully the Estrace worked and I can start my Femara in a couple more days!!

On another note I started sparkpeople.com this past week! I basically track what I eat daily and have lost 3-4lbs this week!! Granted, I really need to lose atleast 10 (goal is 15) so we'll see how it goes. The first few lbs always seem to fall off, then the rest are harder. We'll see how I do!

I gave in...

Jeff has been talking about starting to try again this past week and has talked me into taking my Femara that I have for this month. It really didn't take much effort from him and I figured that I should use it before it goes bad ;-) So, we're just waiting to see if the Estrogen worked and I get my period! I've been spotting but that doesn't mean much....

I have a problem, it's called I change my mind too much :-)