I can't concentrate, I can't think, I can't work. Tasks that usually take me about 30 minutes to complete have taken me all afternoon and the minutes are ticking by very slowly. Some days, unlike today, I can sit back and think-we'll be parents someday and until then I will wait patiently and enjoy this time. Not today, all I can think about is our baby in Heaven and if the Femara is working. I gave in & called Dr.C today and asked for an u/s to check my follicles. DH agreed we should check to see how well it's working. I figure it will give me more hope if I see atleast one mature follicle. However, I think they'll be mad I'm calling with such short notice. I'm on CD 14 (office is closed today) and ovulated last time on Femara on CD21. With the weekend coming up and tomorrow out of the question, that leaves Friday morning for the ultrasound. Hopefully they feel sorry for me and let me come in on such short notice, I guess we'll wait and see.
I've lost my patience and can't find it. I'm glad I have DH to lean on, I don't know what I'd do without my amazing man.
I always feel so bad being depressed on days like these because there are so many women out there who have been through so much more. I should be happy we have hope, medicine and a Lord to lean on. But today, I don't even have any words to pray. Just empty thoughts and an empty heart...
Tomorrow will be better and this ugly mood will go away, I hope.
Jess,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you're feeling so badly. You're in my thoughts and prayers.